12 Rules to Having a Great First Date

I wrote previously about earning trust, and about how before you can have a lasting relationship with someone, there needed to be a first date.

I wanted to touch back on this topic. I think it’s important, because this principle applies broadly to all sorts of relationships, including business ones.

Especially if you are in a sales situation and you want to close a deal with the person on the other side of the table, you need to bear in mind that the other side isn’t sitting there, waiting for you to show up. They’re not about to stand up and shout, full of relief, “Oh, thank goodness you’re here! We have this big pot of money that we’ve been saving for you, and–say, do you need help carrying all this cash to your car?”

The courtship between you and your potential buyer is remarkably similar to the courtship between you and your potential spouse. (The term “closing the deal“ is even used in both cases!) And all the same ground rules apply.

So let’s set the scene: you are at a business event; let’s say it’s a trade show. You’ve identified your mark. His company is an attractive prospect, and you notice other suitors–your competitors!–lining up for the same mark. You go over your lines in your head, check your breath, and make your move. As you head out, here are 12 things to consider…

1. Laughing is encouraged, as long as the topic is not risky.
2. Table manners count when food of any kind is involved; if you don’t know them, pick up a copy of Tiffany’s Table Manners for Teenagers.
3. Before getting a drink for yourself, offer to get one for the other person. If there is alcohol in your drink, don’t drink it, sip it. Slowly. (Slower.)
4. Always take responsibility for introducing new people that may show up.
   
5. Poke fun at yourself, never at others.
6. Have conversation planned and ready to go. Practice telling stories that have a beginning, middle, and end.
7. Don’t use any of your stories except to get things rolling; listen to your prospect and respond with questions, not a story of your own. (Sales is not about you.)
8. Relax. Being focused and being tense are two different things.
9. If you ask someone to a meal, take the check the moment it arrives and unobtrusively move it to a corner of the table near you. Pay it.
10. If conversation is moving well, don’t interrupt the other person to check your Blackberry, get the waiter, pay the check, etc. Wait until you can interrupt yourself.
    
11. Be courteous and respectful to everyone. Make eye contact with the server when ordering. Thank the bus boy.
    
12. Smile more than you think you should.

Don’t expect to close in one day. Sometimes you will, but most of the time you won’t. That’s OK. Have a plan, have the confidence to execute it, and have fun!

Jason Seiden is Co-founder and CEO of Ajax Social Media, a training company that shows professionals how use social media to work more effectively.