5 Things Corporate VPs Should Not Care About

I’m walking the aisles of the HR Technology Conference, and I’m feeling good and bad at the same time. On the good side, there are some really great individual people here, and a few companies doing great things. On the bad side, a lot of companies here are “playing it safe,” showcasing their 3/5/7 module solution with the iPhone-looking marketing and Access database-looking implementation. Everything’s “customizable,” which means you can turn modules on or off. There’s very little novel use of social media technologies, and very little to put decision making power where it belongs: with the team manager.

(Sure, all these companies say they do that, but then they sell enterprise-wide solutions that force all client users to conform to the same standard… hardly empowerment when the only choice is how many tabs the talent management software will have across the top.)

Which got me thinking: too many people here are focused on the wrong thing. Too many people are wrapped up in the minutia. This type of thinking once caused a client to ask if I’d co-author a book entitled, “‘I’m from Corporate & I’m Here to Help,’ and Other BullSh!t You Hear at the Office.” While I’m not quite ready for that assignment just yet, what I’m seeing here at the conference did compel me to put together this list of 5 things no corporate VP should ever spend a minute focusing on:

1. The font on a document. You have a design team. Use them.
2. How to customize any piece of software. You are excused from this item if (1) you are an IT VP and (2) the customization is part of an actual purchase negotiation.
3. The size of your—or anyone else’s—cube/office. Unless VP now stands for Very Petty, all I can say is, OMFG, don’t you have work to do?
4. Reserved parking. You worked your whole life for what, so you could park close to the front door? This is what you want on your tombstone, “What an amazing person, she negotiated for a great parking spot?” How do you take yourself seriously?
5. Who on your team gets credit for the work. Newsflash: it doesn’t matter, they all work for you anyway. If you’re ego is that fragile, the UPS store sells bubble wrap.

If you are a corporate VP and I’m describing you, consider firing yourself. There is real work to be done in corporate America, and you are in the way.

If you work for a corporate VP and I’m describing your boss, I have to wonder, what do you do all day? Corporate strategy?

Jason Seiden is Co-founder and CEO of Ajax Social Media, a training company that shows professionals how use social media to work more effectively.