Actions Speak Louder than Words… Unless I Find You Attractive

The old adage goes like this: “Actions speak louder than words.” In the long run, that turns out to be true, by the way. And if you can train yourself to watch what people do in the moment, you can become brilliantly insightful about other people.

We’re experts at this on a social level. For instance, after being married 11 years, I can tell from the way my wife says “hi” to me at the end of the day if I’m in good standing or in the dog house. She uses the same words, but puts different actions around them, and being able to respond to those differences definitely helps. Definitely. When your friends all stare at you a fraction of a second too long after you ask if anyone wants to join you to see Lady Gaga in concert, you know instantly that you just said something wrong, regardless of what gets said next.

But there are some glitches hardwired into our execution of this adage, and to succeed in life, you need to overcome them. Specifically, I’m talking about:

Authority. We defer to it. It may be wrong, it may be corrupt, it may be hypocritical, but there is something about being a human that makes us follow the rules set by those in power, regardless of what they do when they think no one’s looking.
Attraction. If you are hot, I will believe you because I want to believe you. I want to believe that you like me. I will let you walk all over me as long as I retain a glimmer of hope that one day we might be together. Bill Withers, Fleetwood Mac, and Billy Joel, back when songs had meaning, used to sing about this phenomenon.
Agreement. If I agree with you, I will go along with what you say, even if I know the way you act is incompatible with the position we have taken. In America, two particular groups known as Democrats and Republicans have gotten particularly good at this.

So what do you do?

First, watch what you say. In fact, to be careful, speak less.

Second, watch what others do. Not once, not in response to your provocation, and not as part of a tough negotiation, but repeatedly when they’re on their own accord and relaxed.

And third, be aware. Be aware that you are likely to believe a hypocrite who is in power, who is good looking, or who just said something you agree with… and be on guard.

Because the good news is, you can overcome your human nature in this area.

All you need to do is want to see what’s real as opposed to what’s easy on the eyes.