“After 4 years at this level, I’m ready for what’s next.”

I was approached recently by an attendee at a talk I gave, who asked me what she needed to do to get to “the next level” in her career.

I said, “Repeat after me: ‘After 4 years at this level, I’m ready for what’s next.’”

She said, “After 4 years at this level, I’m ready for what’s next. But what practically can I go do?”

I smiled. I said, “Do this: repeat after me: ‘After 4 years at this level, I’m ready for what’s next.’”

She said, “After 4 years at this level, I’m ready for what’s next. But I’m not! That’s the problem! I don’t think I’m ready. I’m still stuck at where I am.”

I said, “No, you’re not ready. But you will be when you can say the very sentence I just gave you with ease and comfort. Who said you can’t be where you are and also be ready for the next thing at the same time?”

She got this big grin on her face and started nodding. “I get it. No, I’m not there yet. But I get it.”

What clicked with her is that by presenting herself as having something blocking her path to the next job, she was actually two steps removed from the job: first she had to remove the obstacle, then she had to get the job. By being able to get through the sentence I gave her, she’d be positioning herself as only one step away.

In talking with me, for instance, she was setting me up to help her get over her problem as opposed to help her open a door. By giving me the problem to solve, she’s literally telling me, “I want you to help me get my head screwed on straight.” OK, I can do that… but it won’t help you get promoted or hired; all it will do is give you clarity… which it did.

But what if she had come up to me and said, “Jason, I’d like your help. After 4 years in the same position, I’m ready for what’s next. Can you get me there?” What would your response have been to that approach? Mine would have been to probe about her experience, strengths, and interests… and all the while I would have been thinking who I might put her in touch with. If she has enough conversations like that, opportunities are bound to find her.

This is more than a question of semantics; this is a question of attitude. Either you see yourself as having problems, or you see yourself simply not yet where you want to be.

With the former attitude, you train your network to help you work through issues; with the latter attitude, you train your network to open doors for you.

Which attitude is most accurately reflected in how you speak? What about your friends? Your coworkers?

Jason Seiden is Co-founder and CEO of Ajax Social Media, a training company that shows professionals how use social media to work more effectively.