Bad managers come in many different flavors. Often, it’s hard to tell the merely mediocre from the truly terrible. But if you run into any of these behaviors in your boss, rest assured, you’re not the only one dealing with a learning curve:
- Your boss asks you to be “more passionate.” This one’s at the top of the list. Reminiscent of lines like, “Since we’re now engaged, do you think you could feel more love for me, please?” and “Hi, I just moved next door, would you be my best friend?”
- Your boss disapproves of you using your own money/vacation time to develop yourself. Here’s what the boss is thinking: “I’m a poor-to-average manager at best, with fairly low self-esteem. When you improve yourself, it makes me feel threatened and unhappy. I would have thought a smarty-pants like you would have figured that out when I denied your request to go to that certification prep class.”
- Your boss talks to you about your performance without asking you about what you need/dismissing your concerns when you express them. “Excuse me, I get pushed around enough at home. Now be quiet. Work time is my turn to talk and not have to listen to anyone.”
- Your boss creates drama. “Hmmm, things are working a little too smoothly around here… I wonder what kind of mess I could whip up today?”
- Your boss tells you nothing. The best managers I know—and the best managers you’ve ever had—occasionally entrust others with advanced/private information and ask them not to share it. Small risks like that are how one builds (or breaks) trust and are important tests for any relationship. Your boss may as well be saying, “I don’t trust you and never will.”
Ouch!
Wait, you’re not off the hook. You need to have a conversation now with your boss. First, let’s review ways to start the discussion that will guarantee it goes poorly:
- “Clearly, you’re threatened by me…”
- “The fact that you’re jealous of me doesn’t help…”
- “I don’t know what your problem is, but…”
- “I bet you have a lot of failed relationships, don’t you.”
- “I think maybe your style is making my job harder.”
Now, a better way to engage: “I have a problem, and I could use your help. I keep taking steps that I think move our department, you, and our organization all forward, but the signals I’m getting are that my efforts are, frankly, undesired. Can you help me reconcile all this? It doesn’t add up.”
The conversation that follows will give you a chance to make clear that you’re not coming after your boss’ job, and force your boss to declare what s/he wants from you. And at that point, you’ll know exactly where you stand.
Especially if you’re boss gets all shifty and fidgety while telling you how important you are to the organization.
 | Enjoy this blog? Listen to my new podcast, Beyond Social. |
I'm Jason. I make people shine. My mission is to help 1 million people tell their stories better. 