C’mon, is Spitzer really that big a self-destructor that he deserves an award?

You betcha. When you make your living carrying the banner for goodness and truth, even a quick little jog through the dark side can be damning… let alone multiple long, leisurely walks with ladies of the night.Certainly, Eliot Spitzer is not alone in his poor judgement. After I my interview this afternoon with WLW 700AM in Cincinnati today–thank you Eddie and Tracy!–I got to thinking about others who fit Jimmy Cliff’s “the harder they come, the harder they fall” model, vs people who screw up yet walk away, careers intact. The result was a snapshot of some famous recent self-destructors, near self-destructors, and fake self-destructors: Self-Destructors Politicians

• Larry Craig
  Got caught in an airport bathroom getting it on with another guy. Why is it that the ones who bark loudest against [insert alleged perversion here] are always the ones caught doing it?
• Geraldine Ferraro
  Claimed that Obama’s success thus far as a candidate can be attributed to the fact that he’s black. I would think that the 1st female VP candidate would be celebrating diversity in the field, no? As an interesting aside, she remarked that she felt Hillary’s problems are due to a sexist media. To which I respond: Hillary would have to be a woman for that comment to have any merit.
• Alberto Gonzales
  Didn’t realize that as head of the U.S. Department of Justice, maybe he had a responsibility to uphold the integrity of the organization he managed.

Athletes

• Ben Johnson
  Ran so fast I could hear the Bionic Man music playing whenever he sprinted. Now we know why.
• Roger Clemens
  “Future hazy.”
• Marion Jones
  Ran so fast I could hear the Bionic Man music playing whenever she sprinted. Now we know why. Wait… this sounds familiar…
• Len Bias
  Totally, completely, utterly tragic. The absolute epitome of what no one ever wants to see, never ever ever in all the history of ever.

Actors

• Pee Wee Herman
  Kid-friendly actors cannot get caught in porn houses, period.
• Mickey Rourke
  There’s strange in a good way, and then there’s strange in a plain old weird way.
• Gary Busse
  Are Gary and Nick Nolte two different people? Really?
• Chris Farley
  There was one routine of John Belushi’s that I really wish you would never attempt…

Businessmen

• Patricia Dunn
  For the record: don’t spy on your own Directors. Also for the record: if you think you need a private eye to tell you what exactly is wrong in the relationship, then you don’t really need a private eye to tell you what exactly is wrong in the relationship. I can tell you right now: the problem is a lack of trust, and nothing you learn is going to help you solve that problem.
• Conrad Black
  If you have a big ego, say you have a big ego. Otherwise, you make a liar out of yourself and will be convicted.
• Jerome Kerviel
  Lost $7 billion trading for Society Generale. Suddenly, your broker doesn’t look so inept.
• Bill Clinton
  Never came across as clean in the first place; everyone knew from his “I didn’t inhale” line that the guy’s word wasn’t any good. As an aside, can America please be done with both the Clintons and the Bushes? Do you realize that in my entire voting lifetime, I have known only Clinton and Bush? How am I not Canadian by now?! Somebody, please explain how a woman whose integrity was seriously in question for 8 years when she was first lady is now a candidate for president… GMAFB already!
• Karl Rove
  It’s hard to blame the devil for being evil.
• Robert Downy, Jr.
  Did the crime, did the time, and then did a nice job on Ally McBeal.
• Ingrid Bergman
  Not surprisingly, personal indiscretions are more easily overlooked when you yourself are eye candy.
• Michael Milken
  It’s amazing what a focus on philanthropy can do.
• Brittany Spears
  Lacks the sophistication to handle Hollywood, and as a result is being manhandled by Hollywood. Definition of “what a shame”
• Mike Tyson
  I just received word from the afterlife that Judgment Day is not going to be so much fun for Don King. Apparently God does not like it when you get rich off of someone but then fail to help them avoid making tragic life decisions such as biting other boxers.
• Daryl Strawberry
  Sometimes, the personality we are born with is just more than we can deal with in a lifetime.
• Michael Jackson
  The guy lived in a place he called Never-Never Land, for Pete’s sake. He didn’t self-destruct, he just never grew up.

As I said, the list is far from exhaustive, but it can be instructive in understanding patterns in how the chips sometimes fall.

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