Have you ever been told “No” in vague language such as, “I like your idea, and personally I’m not offended, but I’m concerned someone else might take it the wrong way”?
Have you ever turned down an idea by saying “That’s so true, but I don’t think my team will understand the message”?
If so, you’ve experienced corporate-speak. And guess what:
Nobody likes vague corporate-speak. Nobody.
I’ve done an informal poll over the last decade, and based on my research, zero percent of all life forms like corporate-speak. Of those who engage in it despite their distaste, 4% do so because they’re darn good at politics and are choosing their words carefully, 39% do so because they’re copying the politicians, 26% do it because that’s how their classmates talked in business school, 21% do it because they’re afraid of sounding like they don’t know something, and 9% do it to obfuscate to cover up the fact that they screwed up royally.
When asked what the greatest benefit of corporate speak was, 1% said corporate-speak made the language of business more precise, and 47% said it gave someone the opportunity to benefit monetarily from “owning” a particular phrase. Fifty-two percent wrote in: “Benefit? LMAO!”
Stop Using Semantics To Hide Your Problems
Corporate-speak is how people hide from their problems. By dressing up issues in vague language, people make issues unactionable and intractable—thus protecting themselves from having to deal with them… in a perverse sort of way.
They next time you think about wrapping an issue in floaty baloney, take out the stapler, put it to your forehead, and push. Just kidding. What you really need to do is ask the person you’re talking to if they understand who you’re talking about, what you want done, why you want it done, when you want it done by, and how you intend to follow up. If they can’t answer those questions, you’re corporate-speaking. For instance:
Corporate-speak: “I’m not sure, from a diversity perspective, that your plan is aligned with our values.”
Plain-speak: “I’m sure your idea is great, but your examples are male, and the pictures in your brochures are all white, while half my team is female and 80% of them are from Asia. You have to give me confidence that you have enough cultural sensitivity fast or the answer is no.”
Corporate-speak: “Our mission is to serve our customers, stakeholders, and community.”
Plain-speak: “Our mission is to make money for our shareholders. In today’s world, we believe that to maximize short- and long-term profits, we need to offer customers a square deal, be aware of the complex interactions across all our various stakeholders, and support the communities in which we operate.”
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, because it’s just that important: speak plain.
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I'm Jason. I make people shine. My mission is to help 1 million people tell their stories better. 
{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
Indeed, the words “probably,” “likely,” “should,” and “try” tend to water down someone’s commitment and breed uncertainty, especially when it comes to actions and timeframes.
“I should be able to deliver.”
“I will try to call you Monday.”
Adding qualifiers also spreads the message thin: “At this time, the deadline seems reasonable.” Meaning, perspectives and commitments could change in the future, and “seems” is less firm than simply stating, “the deadline is reasonable.”
I vote for speaking plainly. This was a valuable post. I would like to hear other people’s examples and solutions.