A: A quick Google search on the subject turned up a variety of responses, from an over-researched NY Times piece (do I really need to hear from the neurological director at the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation to learn that some people are unaware of their own smell?) to a shameful eHow article that includes the line, “point and laugh when he is across the room.”
Unsatisfying. Here’s more better advice:
1. Handling a hygiene situation starts with you acknowledging that in ducking the issue, you’re acting like a wussy little coward.
The worst part of a malodorous coworker isn’t his stench, it’s the cowardice his stench attracts.
Seriously, if you were the offender, don’t you think you’d catch on to people giving you the cold shoulder, wrinkling their noses when you walked in the room… even if you didn’t know why? And don’t you think you’d find people’s avoidance behavior a bit… irritating? In fact, given the choice between working with someone who smells bad, or someone who talks behind your back and refuses to address you directly, who would you pick?
Tough call; they both stink.
In short: good, bad, or ugly, “man up” and have the conversation, because that’s what you’d want someone else to do if it were you sitting on the funky bench.
2. “OK, I’m with you… but how?” By tailoring your approach to the situation, that’s how.
Not all stink is created equal. For each type, you want to approach the conversation with honesty, directness, empathy, and a sense of personal responsibility. Here are five types of olfactory offenders, and suggested conversation openers for each. Use common sense to modify and—do I really have to say this?— have these conversations in private, please:
- I’m-from-a-country-where-we-don’t-use-deodorant guy
Bad: “[Bob], I dunno what’s up over there in Stinkland where you’re from, but here in Ah-MEER-i-ca, we use this little product called deodorant. Have you heard of it? It’s awesome. Gilette makes some, Mennon, and there’s Old Spice, and this stuff called Axe that supposedly will make you smell good and make you a hit with the ladies. I’ll email you a coupon you can use at CVS, ‘K? Cool. Glad we had this chat. Lookin’ forward to seein’ ya—but not smellin’ ya!—tomorrow! Peace.”
More better: “[Bob], I messed up, and I owe you an apology. Had I taken responsibility for building a relationship with you before today, this conversation would have been less awkward… but you should know, I sometimes find your smell distracting, and I want to talk to you about it because… maybe you’re missing something, or maybe I’m missing something, but either way, I think we should bridge this gap.”
- The I-love-curry-and-onions-and-garlic-and-lentils-and-tuna-for-lunch-gal
Bad: “Jane, unless you intend to spray your lunch with a bottle of Febreeze, don’t you dare open that stink bomb at your desk. It’s nasty. And you’re nasty for not knowing it’s nasty.”
More better: “Hi, Jane. If I said that when you eat curry and tuna fish at your desk, it distracts me and makes it tough for me to work, would you understand I am hoping to find an alternative, mutually-agreeable aroma arrangement and not condemning you as a person? ‘Cuz I like you just fine, it’s the lunch food at the desk I’m struggling with.”
- The this-smell-wasn’t-there-before-and-now-that-it-is-I-try-to-ignore-it-while-also-giving-off-a-self-conscious-vibe guy
Bad: “Hey, Miasma Mike, I think I’m going to start calling you that because you know what, man? You are a walking-freakin’ stink bomb! Seriously, you smell worse than an old lady’s bathroom on prune juice day.”
More better: “Mike, how are you feeling? Listen, I don’t want to pry, but you know you’ve got sort of a smell thing going on at times? … It’s not your normal smell, and while I’m not going to lie and say it isn’t sometimes distracting, I’m actually here to make sure you’re OK and it’s not a sign of something health related. Sorry to put you on the spot like this, but given the choice of an awkward conversation and not being there for a coworker in need, I hope you understand why I chose ‘awkward conversation.’ We may not talk much, but your health comes first. So if you’re healthy, take a shower, will ya? And if you’re not, and you need something, let me know. You come first, OK?”
- The I-wash-my-face-in-perfume lady
Bad: “Babs, Sweetheart, this might be too little, too late, but you put the Ew in eau de toilette, know what I mean? The only kind of guy you’re gonna catch with all that perfume is no one. Give it up.”
More better: “Barbara, I think either you may be a bit desensitized to the perfume you wear, or I happen to be highly sensitive to it, but I’m finding the smell—while certainly pleasant on one level—a bit overpowering on another level. Could you help me out? Could you think of me when you put it on and maybe ratchet it down some? We could maybe do a daily experiment to find a level that works for both of us? Please?”
- The yes-I-think-I-will-rip-one-on-this-crowded-elevator comedian
Bad: “Diane, I know that was you.”
More better: Nothing. Let it go. This clown will only do it more if called on it.
3. Know the law.
Poor hygiene may be cause for termination, but discrimination may be cause for a lawsuit. I know, it’s frickin’ ridiculous, but if you’ve got questions, ask HR before engaging. Just remember that knowing the law and sounding like a lawyer when you engage are totally different things.
No matter who it is, abide by these guidelines: own the conversation, take responsibility for the awkward, and be direct.
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Just one question: How much fun did you have writing this post?
Hopefully it was just as much fun as we I had reading it. Smelly coworkers can be the pits, thanks for sharing the great advice.
It’s annoying when the other party just does not care. We have two work vehicles that are the pits to borrow because of smells. I have to cart along a small bottle of de-oderising spritz to coat the interior whenever I have to use them.
We also have a co-worker who has a partner who brings in an unbelievable stench to our lunch room on occasion. Today I ate lunch at my desk so I could breathe between mouthfuls.
How do you tackle those angles?
@Andy Unfortunately, the car situation is nearly impossible to handle… except through a strictly enforced policy. (Communal property is notoriously difficult to maintain.) Regarding the co-worker and his/her friend, the question is, Are you willing to step up and take a leadership role in your office… and accept the potential conflict and power imbalance that comes with it? If so, the answer is as straightforward as you probably think:
“Hi, I have a problem, it’s really awkward, and I need your help. I find it difficult to eat when you bring your friend through here. There’s a smell that comes with that’s a little on the unsavory side.” Expect push back, and when you get it, tread gentle. What you don’t want is you saying, “I work here, I should be able to eat whenever I want,” only to have your coworker respond, “Well I work here too, I should be able to bring friends whenever I want.” Better is to avoid that. When the pushback comes, try this instead: “Look, I’m all for personal choice. I also think that when in Rome, you do as the Romans do, not out of conformity, but out of respect for the customs of the people you’re visiting. If we were a kibbutz, that’d be one thing, but we’re an office, and there are unspoken yet very clear norms in place. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask your friend to respect these norms when s/he visits.” Continued pushback? Seek HR’s help.
My blog today addresses some of the frustrations surrounding smelly coworkers! http://employwinners.com/scents-and-sensibility/ Hope you find it helpful!