<satire>
After talking about diversity here in America for decades, the only thing that’s clear is that we just don’t get it.
So, in the spirit of giving, I’m going give you and your company a big gift. I’m going to give you the down and dirty on diversity once and for all, saving you gobs of time and money. You’ll never need to go through another diversity inclusion seminar ever again, ever.
Apologies to Joe Gerstandt, who does some cutting edge diversity training. You’re banging your head against a rock there, Joe. Sorry to put you out of work.
Diversity in Reality
- Diversity means always knowing who to blame.
People who are different are the cause all your problems. - Diversity means never being the bottom of the heap.
People who are different are ass clowns. - Diversity means having a reason to fear.
People who are different have already taken control of the world. - Diversity means having something to laugh at.
Punchlines are funnier when they are about people who are different. - Diversity means having a justification to do whatever you want.
People who are different provide an easy, ready-made excuse for any activity, whether brilliant or boneheaded. - Diversity means a thriving market for legal services.
People who are different aren’t giving you a fair shot. - Diversity means never having to play fair.
People who are different don’t play by the rules; why should you? - Diversity means power. People who are different are great for turning smart individuals into a frothing, teeming, frenzied mass of mindless followers.
- Diversity means disease.
All the worst bugs come to us via people who are different.
Sad but true: you were perfect before People Who Were Different came along. The answer to diversity initiatives isn’t inclusion, it’s exclusion. Let’s just make them all go away, and then our neighborhood/business/country would be great once more!
(Can I get an “Amen,” Chief Sitting Bull?)
</satire>
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In all seriousness, differences are good when they make better results. I, too, prefer diversity but that doesn’t mean I want ‘ineffective’ simply because it’s different. This kind of diversity we can do without.
Thomas
Jason, I’m pretty sure this isn’t the position you’re taking in your post; I simply wanted to make that nuance clear.
Thomas
Thomas—agreed. Diversity ultimately has more to do with what’s going on inside peoples’ heads than what’s going on outside… but that’s in a perfect world, and we are far, far, far from a perfect world on this dimension. Until then, diversity has to mean something much broader.
Diversity makes teamwork easier. People who have different views, different ideas, draw on different experiences are never “team players.” They’re easy to spot and keep off the team.
Thanks Jason, looking forward to retirement!
The sad thing is that you had to flag this as satire…cuz those who don’t get it, well…they still just won’t get it!
@Theresa—
<commiserating>
Tell me about it!
</commiserating>
Brilliant piece Jason. Diversity is so deeply about what’s going on inside people who think someone else is “different” rather than the object of their attention. We also tend to get stuck on superficial differences rather than celebrating the (gasp) things we have in common.
@Guy—Whaddya mean, “superficial” differences? TEAM JACOB!