Last weekend, my daughter sat down at the kitchen table and tried to write out the lyrics to one of her favorite songs. It was her first time trying to transcribe lyrics, she struggled, and got so frustrated that she wasn’t “doing it right the first time” that she started to cry.
She’s five. She got through an entire page’s worth of the song before losing track of things in her head and giving up. Most of her spelling was right, too. It was great. She should have been celebrating, but she was mad at herself.
See, she wasn’t done it right the first time.
So, whaddya think? Should I have told her she was right to be upset with herself, called her a quitter, and sent her to her room without dinner?
Or should I have held her until the crying stopped, and then showed her my collection of notebooks and journals that are filled with decades’ worth of stories, observations, poems, quips, drafts, and scribbles, until she understood that “doing right” is something you learn to do after years of mistakes until she smiled her, “Oh, I get it!” smile?
Here’s a clue: it’s the second thing.
If you work in a factory, where your next move is going to be replicated 50,000 times a day, then yes, get it right the first time. But if you are a manager, professional, or knowledge worker of any kind, avoid this phrase at all costs.
Knowledge work ends with a decision, and decisions come with risk. New talent requires experience. The common thread? Mistakes will be made. When you say “do it right the first time,” the inference is that failure is not acceptable under any circumstances—and that pretty much shuts down decision-making and learning.
(Yeah, sure, I know the way you mean it when you say, “do it right the first time” is that people should care about their work, not that they should avoid it. That’s nice. Problem is, no one cares about your intentions. There’s a reason that the road paved with intentions ends in a bad place, and it’s because, as I alluded to a moment ago, no one cares about your intentions. The inference people will make from your statement is that failure is fatal.)
“Do it right the first time?” Joke.
Take it away, girls:
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Jason, this is a great reminder, and I really enjoyed the video. I was reminded of a theatre mask-making class I took a couple of years ago. The first step was to (painstakingly) make a clay mold for the mask. It took several classes to do this, since I had never done it before.
I worked hard at getting the facial contours “perfect” (so I thought). When I felt it was complete, the instructor told me to destroy it and start over. He knew that in the second try, I would learn from my mistakes. I did.
Do it right the first time can be paralyzing because if we think we can’t be good enough or we try and it doesn’t come out perfect, we may stop trying. Many people mistake perfectionism with doing everything right when it is really wanting everything perfect. The thought is that a perfectionist has it all together when in reality they may be afraid to start many things because failure looming is too hard to swallow. The video was terrific and I appreciate your reminder.
love it! many of us (read: me) spend a lifetime learning to enjoy the process, not just the outcome of getting something right.
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@Mary Jo—Before you redid the mask, I’m guessing the thought of destroying that mask was daunting. Greatness takes not just tolerance of failure, but a leap of faith into the unknown, too!
@Julie—I’d respond… but I’m afraid you’d laugh at what I have to say.
@Fran—That makes two of us.
As great New York philosopher Al McGuire used to say, this is only important “in war and surgery.” (Actually, he said that about “winning” but it applies here.)
Super, Jason – my first effort on a doc is never the best…polishing takes multiple revs…and the girls are great!
Uh, someone doesn’t appear to be as shy as she used to be. And she makes a nice addition to the already seasoned dad and rock star older sister!
I FINALLY have a boss who let’s me fail (I haven’t tested the spectacularly part yet – gotta’ save some for later) and it feels wonderful! And I’m learning so much by failing – over and over again. I can learn, and not be afraid. It’s the best thing about my job.
@Karen—that’s great news! Don’t fail too much… use that sense of security to go for it until you WIN!