Q: “So I was upset, and probably a little emotional when I said this, but still, his response was totally out of line…”

A: Stop right there. Do not finish that sentence. You do not get to do what you are about to do. You do not get to absolve yourself of your role as instigator! Refusing to acknowledge your impact on others is a cardinal rule in self-destructing behavior. The true self-destructor will never “walk a mile in someone else’s shoes.” He will avoid ever trying to understand anyone else in any capacity, lest he have to face the fact that what appeared to be someone else’s irrational behavior was nothing more than a perfectly understandable response to something that the self-destructor did (or said) first. No, the self-destructor will simply label others as “out of line,” “overreactive,” and “crazy” until he believes himself the lone voice of reason in an insane world. Here are a few things Self-Destruction Man does not do:

1. Take personal responsibility for his impact on others.
2. Concentrate when listening.
3. Care about anything other than pushing his pre-conceived agenda.
4. Acknowledge to himself that he might be wrong (aka keep an open mind).
5. Ask questions like, “Why?” and “Is there something I’ve done to cause you to feel this way?”
6. Question the labels he imputes to others.

Of course, some people are out of line, overreactive, and crazy; the self-destructor doesn’t consider that in the eyes of others, he is probably one of them.

Jason Seiden is Co-founder and CEO of Ajax Social Media, a training company that shows professionals how use social media to work more effectively.