Seiden

I Love My Elle: The Magical 1,000th Post

Jason Seiden — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 04:14:16 +0000

What better way to celebrate my 1,000th post than to dedicate it to my occasional partner in crime? Elle, this one’s for you!

And special thanks to you, Songify—you outdid yourself on this one.

Enjoy this blog? Listen to my new podcast, Beyond Social.
It'll help you use social media to improve the way you work and live.

Social Media & Influence

Jason Seiden — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 21:26:40 +0000

What drives influence on social media? Is it more than a popularity contest? How does one build influence?

John Sumser has been studying social influence for two and a half years now, regularly publishing digital influencer lists for the HR space and igniting small tempests with his rankings.

I sat down with John on a recent trip to San Francisco, and talked about social influence—where it’s derived from, how people can build it, and why they should care. Listen to our conversation here: Beyond Social – Digital Influence.

Enjoy this blog? Listen to my new podcast, Beyond Social.
It'll help you use social media to improve the way you work and live.

Moneyball: Would You Take That Job Offer?

Jason Seiden — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 19:24:57 +0000

I just finished watching Moneyball. Great film. Here’s a scruples question, based on the ending:

Let’s assume that the owner of a competing company recruits you. He wants you to move across country for a new—and more prestigious—job—for about 60 times your current salary. Assume also that you are passionate for your current job, for your current company, and for the game-changing process you’ve begun to put in place at your current organization. Assume also that you have a ten year old daughter who lives nearby, with her mom.

Do you take the offer?

I have two girls. They’re nine and seven. When I saw the movie, I at first thought Billy Beane was nuts to pass up the offer. I thought, “Twelve million bucks buys a lot of plane tickets!”

Then I thought more about it. (I had nothing else to do, I was stuck on a plane.) I began to appreciate the other sides to the decision. How this would be the second time he’d be leaving his daughter behind (the first being the divorce). How grabbing the money would’ve undone the work he’d put into changing baseball by perpetuating the idea that money buys wins. All his work… and people would’ve questioned it. And that little girl who clearly loved her dad—would she be better off seeing him win big financially, or having him safe and close?

A buttload of cash on the one hand; the responsibilities of fatherhood and romantic notions about baseball on the other. No right answers here… no judgment… just wondering: what would you have done?

Enjoy this blog? Listen to my new podcast, Beyond Social.
It'll help you use social media to improve the way you work and live.

5 Ways Running Will Make You a Better Communicator

Jason Seiden — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 16:19:05 +0000

I’m reading Born to Run, by Christopher McDougall, and I’m riveted. So many things in this book resonate with me… about the tools we use… attitude… technique… I can’t believe how similar running is to communicating! I’m pleasantly surprised that the path to being a good, injury-free runner shares many of the same principles with the path to becoming a good communicator, including:

Forget what you know. Just because you’ve been doing it your whole life doesn’t make you an expert. It just means you have a lot of experience making the same mistakes.
Chuck the tools. Many tools of the trade are designed to soften the impact of common mistakes. In running, padded heels cushion impact. In communicating, knowing someone’s personality “type” softens the impact of misunderstandings. In both cases, the solutions look like they should work, and in both cases, they don’t.
Love it or leave it. America’s well paid, well shod professional runners today are slower than our farm-club runners from the 1970′s. (There are some incredible facts and figures in Born to Run, and this is one of them. Really, read the book!) Meanwhile, today’s best paid communicators (think: marketing geniuses) are losing ground on social media because people would rather trust their friends than a shill. It’s the love of the game, fool! If you’re not genuinely interested in either running or engaging, you’ll end up working harder for lesser results!
Focus on technique. How you run keeps you injury free. How you speak determines whether that comment is taken as a joke or an insult. It’s not what you say. It’s how you make someone feel when you say it.
Cross-train. The best runners are good athletes who run. The best communicators know a little something about a lot of subjects and a lot of something about one.

I’m loving this book. Any time I read something about an unrelated discipline that teaches me something about my own, I light up. It makes me feel like I’ve discovered a universal truth…

Have a great weekend!

Enjoy this blog? Listen to my new podcast, Beyond Social.
It'll help you use social media to improve the way you work and live.

The Dark Side of Social Media: Interpersonal Ineptitude

Jason Seiden — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 04:12:09 +0000

What happens when a tech savvy, Gen X communication expert talks with a Luddite Boomer communication expert about social media and the future of the “business relationships”? Awesome insights happen, that’s what. Especially about the dark side of social media. And good news: I recorded everything for you. Click here to listen.

Ed Ruda, industrial psychologist, coach to top executives at major companies (think McDonald’s-, Lockheed Martin-, and Pfizer-sized companies), and also my father-in-law joined me for an episode of Beyond Social, during which we debated the risks and opportunities of social media, and whether social media is going to make people worse at interpersonal relationships.

There may have been some blood, I can’t really remember. I think everyone’s OK now, tho—so that’s good.

Enjoy this blog? Listen to my new podcast, Beyond Social.
It'll help you use social media to improve the way you work and live.

Using Online Information in Real World Conversation

Jason Seiden — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 22:06:20 +0000

In the past, meeting someone meant talking to a person with whom you had no idea if you shared any common interests. You’d break the ice and go from there. And loosely speaking, extroverts were people who had an easy time with this while introverts struggled.

With LinkedIn and social media, all that is changing. Not entirely, of course… but now, because of what you can learn about a person online, you often learn a person’s interests before ever meeting.

I have a whole theory about how relationships are changing—how control over relationships is being democratized, and how introversion and extroversion are shifting—but those are posts for another day.

Today, let’s answer a simple question: How do you use information you’ve learned online in a real world conversation without being creepy?

Bottom line here: you want to show genuine interest while also respecting the person’s space. Here are five ideas on how to do this:

Keep it safe. Maybe you saw on Facebook that the person was at a recent Occupy rally, but you think Occupy is stupid. Not a safe topic. Skip it.
Keep it light. This is especially true when referencing personal information. Even though my daughters appear on my blog, I promise you, asking me how Elle is doing two seconds after introducing yourself is not endearing. Better: “I saw a video of you doing a performance review with your daughter when she was in kindergarten… priceless!”
Keep it positive. The person is interested in knitting? Declaring that “Knitting’s stupid,” is a bad way to go. Better: “I could never understand the appeal to knitting, but clearly lots of people love it—what am I missing?”
Keep it centered. Online, it’s easy to read a certain level of intensity in what people write—even if it’s not there. Like the Occupy example; just because someone “likes” it doesn’t mean that the person is a left-wing eco-terrorist! Maybe he likes it a little bit. Maybe he doesn’t like it but his brother’s an organizer and he wants to support his family. Who knows. To find out, start with something more neutral and centered, like, “What do you think of Occupy shifting from parks to foreclosed homes?”
Keep it about them. Use what you learned online to learn more. Learn someone likes skiing? Do some homework so you can probe: “What type of skiing do you do?” “What’s the difference between resorts—isn’t one mountain the same as the next?”

Following these tips will help you use what you learn online in real world conversation… without the risk of appearing creepy.

Got another technique that works? Please share!

Meet you soon…

Enjoy this blog? Listen to my new podcast, Beyond Social.
It'll help you use social media to improve the way you work and live.

Webinar: Pimp Your LinkedIn Profile

Jason Seiden — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 10:19:19 +0000

Join me this Thursday, Jan 12, at 12pm Eastern (9am Pacific), for a webinar on how to build a LinkedIn profile that drives business results.

Here’s why:

In October 2011, LinkedIn invited Ajax Social Media’s social coaches to work with participants at LinkedIn’s Talent Connect 2011 user conference.

The results?

98% of coaching participants said Ajax helped them better understand how to use their LinkedIn profiles as a business tool.
100% said they learned something actionable.
94% said they were already implementing what they had learned a week after the conference.

Join me on January 12, 2012 at 12 noon EST and learn the same strategies and tactics that got these LinkedIn power users so excited:

3 reasons why you should never, ever have your resume up on LinkedIn…and what you should post instead
2 LinkedIn Applications that can shorten your business development cycle
1 simple way to start calculating an ROI from your LinkedIn usage

And much, much more!

Especially if you read this weekend’s post about authenticity and started wondering how you can start implementing the solution, this is where you’ll want to be: click here to register!

Enjoy this blog? Listen to my new podcast, Beyond Social.
It'll help you use social media to improve the way you work and live.

The Reality of Authenticity

Jason Seiden — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 08:10:22 +0000

What does it feel like to find your authentic self? Actually, sometimes, it can get scary as hell.

Some days, you lie there in bed, staring at the ceiling in the middle of the night, praying.

Praying that the people who love you never find out what a fraud you are.
Praying that you like the person you see in the mirror tomorrow better than you liked the person you saw today.
Praying for a chance to fix your mistakes—the ones others haven’t found out about yet.
Praying for another day before the mistakes you didn’t fix catch up to you.
Praying you’ll be able to pull yet another miracle out of your ass.
Praying that the love of your life will still return your kiss and not give you a cheek tomorrow.
Praying that whatever happens, you won’t completely mess things up… again.
Praying for innocence, and for someone to take care of you, so you can stop, just stop.

I don’t care who you are, how powerful your position, how healthy your ego, you have those nights.

When you’re growing up, no one tells you about that. They tell you about the hope, and the faith, and the hard work, and the perseverence, but they never tell you just how bad the moments are that make you need hope or faith; they never tell you about the darkness hard work distracts you from. No one prepares you for what it feels like when someone’s relying on you and you have no fucking clue how to take care of them. No one ever pulls you aside to say, “Listen, there may come a day, when someone says ‘I love you,’ that you’ll honestly wonder how that could be.” And they certainly don’t ever mention how terrifying a thought that is when it happens.

I hope you spend your entire life on top of the world. I hope you have the confidence to look your fears in the eye and tell them to fuck off as you roll over and go back to sleep. I hope you find the source of your strength early and that it always flows straight to your shoulders, and that nothing ever breaks you.

I hope you have it easy. Heaven knows, I’ve got room for improvement in this area. But one thing I do know, is that if you want to be your “authentic” self, you’re going to have nights like this. You just are. It’s not possible to find your true self without getting tested, and tested hard. Life is strong—when you go to bend it to your will, it fights the hell back. It bites, claws, kicks, and it doesn’t give up until you wrestle it to the ground and prove to it that you won’t quit for anything. The closer you get to your authentic self, the more gut-wrenching and terrifying the tests feel, too.

Take someone who you think has life all figured out, and I promise, that person knows what it’s like to experience that frozen terror that comes from living a snapshot of time that is years long and ice cold.

So let’s not kid ourselves: people can talk about being authentic online, but unless they acknowledge the sheets damp from cold sweat; unless they talk about the sixteen hours between when you send that tweet and find out if you’ve been fired for it; unless they prepare you to look in your spouse’s eyes and say, “Everything’s going to be OK” after you’ve quit but before your first client’s check’s come in, then they’re skipping over an important part that you had better prepare for.

And the best way to prepare? You might as well start with a good night’s sleep—you’re going to need it.

Enjoy this blog? Listen to my new podcast, Beyond Social.
It'll help you use social media to improve the way you work and live.

Looking Left Means I’m Lying & Some Other Bullshit

Jason Seiden — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 10:19:11 +0000

When I used to do executive assessments, people would ask me all the time, “What do you do if someone’s lying to you?”

And I’d say, “What do you mean, ‘if’?”

I assumed everyone was lying to me. Or more accurately, I assumed everyone was selling a particular point of view. Still do. When I’m in a conversation with someone—and especially when I’m in an interview—my job is to figure out which part of the other person’s perspective is based on what’s true, which part is based on what the person wishes were true, and which part is based on what the person is working to make true.

The existence of these three aspects is a given, so if you’re goal is to use body language to figure out if a person is lying to you, well—if we’re talking about a conversation that’s more or less a typical conversation—then you’ve already missed the boat. First, if you’re even thinking that someone might be lying to you, then you need to redirect attention away from the lie itself and focus yourself on finding the reason for it. Second, why are you talking with someone who you clearly don’t trust? Walk away! And finally, the minute you tell someone that you know she’s lying because she looked left, here’s what’s going to happen: nothing.

If she’s selling you on her perspective, she’ll debate your claim and show you why you’re wrong. If she’s telling the truth, she’ll double down on her story and tell you you made a mistake. If she’s building her future, she’ll say it’s not a lie, it’s a vision. In all cases, she’s offended. And here’s one more thing to consider: if she’s savvy—if she’s someone worth having a relationship with—and you pull that “look left” crap with her, then unless you can then back up your assertion with deep knowledge of body language in general, and the relationship between peoples’ psychology and physiology, and unless you’re able to tell someone how you can differentiate between a meaningful “tell” and an idiosyncratic tic, then she’ll dismiss you as someone trying to bluff his way through life.

Oops.

Here’re a better approach to figuring out if someone’s lying:

Assume the person you’re talking to is selling something, even if it’s just a point of view.
Assume the person you’re talking lacks self-awareness.

Both of these assumptions are safe, for a variety of reasons, but most of all, because they’ve been shown scientifically to be true far more often than not. What this means is,

Whatever story you hear first, it’s probably not the full or real story.
Probe into the story. Clarify who, what, where, and when. Probe into why. Summarize the parts that seem to make sense to make sure you’ve got it.
Look at the person’s overall approach and demeanor… does the total package make sense? For instance, let’s say you meet a woman who claims to regularly rubs shoulders with CEOs. If you talk for 90+ minutes and leave with no action items, she’s lying. If she puts an action on the table and is driving to close out your meeting after 30 minutes, that’s more believable. No eye contact analysis necessary!

More ways to tell if someone’s being dishonest that don’t require a PhD in psychology to see:

16 signs someone is hiding the truth.ppt

View more presentations from Jason Seiden

Enjoy this blog? Listen to my new podcast, Beyond Social.
It'll help you use social media to improve the way you work and live.

Managers: 10 Ways To Drive Results with Social Media

Jason Seiden — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 10:19:46 +0000

Let’s start the year off with a bang: managers, here are 10 things you need to do to turn social media into a business tool that will increase your team’s results:

Attitude is everything. Like Woody Allen said, “90% of success is showing up.” So show up already—in body and spirit. Stop shaking your head at me. How do expect to understand—let alone manage—a process you’re not a part of? Would you take advice from a CFO who had never seen a general ledger? Would you follow a preacher who hadn’t read The Good Book—or who openly decried it as a waste of time? Why would you expect others to listen to anything you say about social media if you’re not a willing participant in it? At a minimum, you need to be on LinkedIn, Twitter, Facebookand Slideshare. Also at a minimum, you need to stop telling everyone what a waste of time you think it is when people post about their lunch plans. When you say, “I don’t understand how anyone could possibly think sharing this kind of information on Facebook is a good idea,” your team hears: “Hold on; I share that kind of information. This guy is passing judgment on me! So either I’m an idiot worthy of his derision, or he’s a moron doling out judgment on things he doesn’t understand.” One guess which option your better people—who also probably have healthier egos—are likely to choose.
Get credible first. Once you’re on the platforms, credibility is key. The best written note in the world won’t generate a response if the people you send it to visit your profile—which they will—and find a hack. Life’s too short, and the options too many, for them to try to figure out if you’re for real.
Embrace your learning curve. Holy hell, if you do nothing else on this list but this one item, the benefits for your team will be felt for a long, long time… and will reverberate in areas far, far away from social media! Making it clear to everyone that you accept your learning curve with grace and humor infuses your team with the right attitude about risk.
Talk about it. At staff meetings, for instance, ask what people are talking about online; who they’re connecting with; whether any of their activities are (or could be) work related; and—this is important—what you can do to help. Just because you’re not an expert at social media doesn’t mean you can’t break down a few boulders for those who are… see #6, for instance.
Make metrics make sense. Before you utter the words ROI, watch this:
Then, rather than counting “likes,” which can be gamed—measure something meaningful, like the efficacy of your sales process.
Focus on your core. Eight million people have viewed the official version of Toby Keith’s video for his song, “Red Solo Cup.” That’s huge.
Solo scored this social media coup by doing one thing: making the best damn plastic party cup in the world. Viral happens only when there’s underlying awesomeness. If you don’t have that yet, build that first.
Know your impact. If your corporate culture is based on fear, then that’s going to permeate into peoples’ use of social media. You may want open and loving online, but if it’s command and control in real life, then your team’s social media engagement is going to look like a long spans of nothing, punctuated with short bursts of activity following frustrated executives’ rants.
Talk with, not at. Press releases and marketing pitches are great for broadcast media, where there is one speaker and many receivers. On social media—an interactive, egalitarian network in which any voice has the ability to rise above the fray—broadcast-style communications often seem arrogant and tone deaf. And don’t point me at Apple’s marketing machine—when you can match the experience, science, and expertise they have invested into their marketing, then I’ll listen to that argument.
Get profersonal.™ It’s not work/life anymore. Things are getting all mixed up. This is great, liberating news… but it’s also not without it’s risks. Set clear guidelines.
Guidelines > policies. Speaking of guidelines, use them! Just about anything you want to prohibit your people from saying online is already prohibited in your employee handbook. So rather than retread old ground, look forward. Establish guidelines for online behavior. Modify them as you do #4. Remove ones that seemed necessary but that turned out to be unintended consequences of not doing #7 as well as you could. Enhance them with numbers as you get better at #5. In other words, iterate. (There’s that #3 again!)
BONUS: Give yourself time. Like, two years. At the end of 2010, when SmartBrief measured the use of social media in business, they found that professionals had about an 18 month head start over companies in their adoption of social. Which means that the first few times you discover a great new opportunity that no one seems to know about, the reality is, they’ve already been there and passed on it.

Now it’s your turn: new year, new budget, new hope. New methods. Ready, go!

Enjoy this blog? Listen to my new podcast, Beyond Social.
It'll help you use social media to improve the way you work and live.

Readers’ Choice: 2011

Jason Seiden — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 17:42:21 +0000

Is any preamble necessary at all?

My top ten 2011 blog posts:

1. How to Surround Yourself with People Better than Yourself
2. How to Connect at a Conference… Or, I Can’t See Your IQ from Across the Room
3. The Secret to Using Twitter
4. 5 Steps to Either Total Success or Total Failure
5. 10 Simple Ways to Improve Your Interpersonal Savvy
6. Taking Bar Method Class with My Wife
7. 4 Ways to Become an Emotionally Mature Leader
8. “Always Tell the Truth” & Other Lies My Parents Told Me
9. Why Some People Don’t Get Social (Media)
10. 5 Obvious LinkedIn Mistakes

See you in 2012!

Enjoy this blog? Listen to my new podcast, Beyond Social.
It'll help you use social media to improve the way you work and live.