Of the following, which do you think is the biggest risk to your career?
- Getting critical feedback.
- Not getting critical feedback.
- Giving critical feedback.
The answer, perhaps surprisingly, is #3.
Getting critical feedback stings like mad, but gives you exactly what you need to know in order to “get it right” next time.
Not getting critical feedback can be incredibly frustrating, and can leave you exposed to make mistakes you don’t know about, but you could rely on yourself and seek that feedback out… or, if you’re savvy—and I know you are—you could read between the lines and use indirect feedback to figure out what’s going on and what you need to do better.
But giving critical feedback?
Give feedback at your own risk.
Have someone read the following sentence to you out loud: “I just read that presentation you sent over. Can I give you some feedback?”
What are you thinking now that you heard that? I bet something between “Uh-oh…” and “Could you be any more annoyingly transparent?”
Not. Good.
Several weeks back, I facilitated a development program for high potential managers at a client organization. A few of the executives stopped by during the two days. One of them came in, looked around the room, and immediately went into a rant on diversity, chastising the majority of participants for being white males… and therefore unpromotable. That pretty much set the tone for the rest of his talk.
Now. Raise your hand if you think giving this guy feedback will be good for your career…
We both know your feedback would likely fall on deaf ears. The executive may be well-intended, but he holds his convictions rather intensely, and when someone’s beliefs are mixed with passion, watch out. Your feedback will be met with defensiveness and a rationalization about why he was right and why you’re an idiot. The odds of him hearing feedback that his diversity tirade undermined the credibility of the program (unpromotable “hi pos”?), exposed his lack of involvement in the selection process, and probably created a back-channel “WTF” dialogue amongst his best performers will be lost on him. All he’ll hear is, “You, feedback-giver, don’t ‘get it.’”
Which is when you say, “Good-bye, career!”
(Or, “Good-bye, client,” if he’s reading this.)
It’s a shame, but there it is.
Of course, the story does not stop here. You can’t not not try to help the executive. That’d be cowardly, and I don’t suffer cowardice very well. But it’s useless to march up to him and give him feedback he won’t hear.
So then how to deliver the tough message? And when?
Ah, subjects for another day…
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I'm Jason. I make people shine. My mission is to help 1 million people tell their stories better. 
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I agree that in that moment marching over to tell your superior his behavior is wrong will not do any good. At the same time, for the sake of your initiative, giving feedback to someone who has the power to derail it is essential.
I offer some tips for giving feedback to someone higher up on the totem pole in a post called “How to Deal With a Clueless Boss.”
http://www.enclaria.com/2009/03/02/how-to-deal-with-a-clueless-boss/
as an HR leader (and an opinionated one at that), i can tell you this is something I’ve wrestled with for a good portion of my career. a major problem = is that most people (executives particularly) are really bad at receiving critical feedback. And when it comes from someone who is a peer (e.g. an HR leader who also reports to their boss) it becomes a veritable mine field. and don’t get me started on what it’s like to have your boss “use you” as the messenger…the number of arrows I’ve taken in the back is just painful. when you’re out there working with these execs, i hope one of the fundamental messages you leave them with them is some semblance of “grow up!”
@Heather—I read the article… lots of good points. Except for #6, IMO. I disagree strongly about asking for permission to share feedback.
“Can I give you some feedback?” is a cringe-worthy phrase that, more often than not, gets the other person’s defenses up before you’ve even uttered a word. Is it technically the correct thing to do? Maybe. But too few people can actually pull it off for me to feel good endorsing it.
Would love to hear from others if they think I’m wrong on this one.
@Charlie—It can be rough. I’ve been used by executives who didn’t want to look in the mirror, didn’t have the stones to confront their bosses, or who were hoping to outrun their mistakes. Often, these are good people who don’t realize that their egos are getting the better of them. I don’t worry about it—it’s my job to help them see what’s what and get the information they need to run their companies.
heather’s article is pretty interesting. just like to note that the threat doesn’t always have to be a direct feedback situation, or even when you feel like you have to volunteer feedback. in many organisations i’m sure (please let it not just be mine!) another team’s manager may directly ask your team – because you work closely together – to provide feedback on her staff. this is fraught with danger, because in reality if the feedback is critical or less than glowing, the manager could take it badly, as a criticism of her management or employment choices. i mean, this is feedback on someone’s team which is not even directly to them, but through the manager, who in theory should be able to sift through the feedback and evaluate which ones are worth passing on and which ones are unjustified, on behalf of her team.
sometimes there just is no good way to word it and still be accurate, not even if you make it conditional on circumstances. if you don’t include examples, you risk being called a liar. if you include examples to justify your observations, you risk being considered picky. if you intentionally omit areas of the person’s performance that you don’t know about, you risk being considered to criticise those as well by the omission, and yet you can’t really comment on something you’ve not seen. if you don’t try to explain observations that you think might be important but you’re not sure if you understood it right, you risk being accused of assuming. if you try to define your error margin, you risk being accused of jumping to conclusions. if you don’t give the feedback at all, you are unco-operative to a business that ‘values feedback’. and add to that the complications of handling various cultural sensitivities, and then also the manager’s perception of her team’s local sensitivities even if they are themselves not that fussed. it is just like entrapment. the best option for your personal interest in a situation when the true feedback is critical, is to lie. the second best if your ethics preclude actually lying, is to not give feedback at all. and that’s why corporations continue to be the way the are.
i mean, if an organisation really values feedback, as long as the feedback is not given carelessly or meanly, you really shouldn’t fixate too much on the precise words used since it is not a public message, only one-on-one, over the actual content of the feedback. it’s like saying, the only people who can ever give feedback are those who knows the person 100% and have the communication skills of a PR expert. if that’s the case, then DON’T ASK FOR FEEDBACK.
Kirana—all too true. Be direct, be soft, put the impact of the feedback in the future as opposed to the past, wait for the right moment… there are lots of ways to improve the odds that the feedback will be met well. And I’ve seen more than one situation when an employee’s cowardice was truly the #1 gating factor to positive working relationship. But to your point, to bosses who know they’re not going to take it well, don’t ask for it. Well said.