You can’t be honest with others when you’re busy kidding yourself.
There are many small ways in which we lie to ourselves every day. And though we’re often not conscious of them in the moment, these little lies distort our world views and erode our ability to engage others with integrity.
Ways in which we are dishonest with ourselves include:
- Expecting love when we haven’t earned it.
- Excusing our own—and our friends’—bad behaviors.
- Dismissing direct and indirect feedback.
- Demonizing those who are different from ourselves.
- Blaming others for our inability to solve our problems.
- Telling ourselves how good looking we are.
- Rewarding ourselves for our intentions rather than our impact.
- Listening to our fears.
- Giving ourselves counterproductive advice, like “I could never do that.”
- Seeing our own needs as more important than anyone else’s.
- Choosing to be blind to the needs of others.
- Showing anger in the face of ambiguity instead of wonder.
- Taking others’ support for granted.
- Forgetting to appreciate life itself.
- Acting as if we have the right to judge.
- Indulging in anger, hate, and resentment.
- Not scrutinizing comfortable opinions.
- Imposing our views on others.
- Refusing to listen, or listening to argue rather than to understand.
- Withholding love.
- Excusing ourselves for our lack of judgment.
- Not being careful about defining our enemies.
- Assuming others always act to protect their own parochial interests.
- Distrusting what is not quickly understood.
- Assuming we never act to protect our own parochial interests.
- Choosing safety over growth.
- Putting our destinies in the hands of others: “I would succeed if only someone else would do this one thing for me first…”
- Serving ourselves through subtle deceit.
- Shying away from positions of leadership, no matter how small.
- Choosing “I don’t see the harm” over “I see the right thing to do.”
- Vilifying prudence where it conflicts with our faith.
- Not being careful about defining our friends.
- Comparing our best to others’ worst.
- Tearing down others for any reason.
- Cherry picking the recipients of our compassion.
- Seeing ourselves as too small to make a difference yet too important to be asked to make a sacrifice.
On the eve of Thanksgiving, let’s make someone thankful for the fact that we are in their lives. It’s easy: all we have to do is show just a tiny bit more honesty in the way we treat ourselves. When we do this, there is an inevitable ripple effect that improves the way we treat others.
How simple is that?!
Here’s how to execute this plan: after reading this list, you undoubtedly can think of some small injustice you inadvertently helped create, perhaps by focusing too much on your intentions rather than your impact, or by shutting someone out who needed you.
As you go through your day, look for an opportunity to right that wrong. Take it.
