Practical Inspiration: Leaving that Job Feeling Good!

WARNING: IRONIC CONTENT AHEAD

If the economic recovery predicted for 2010 actually materializes, then a lot of people who feel pushed around by their employers may feel emboldened to go look for new jobs sooner rather than later.

And really, nothing gets the juices flowing like a proper send off. I’m sure you’ve pictured it, sitting in your boss’s office, unclipping your badge while he talks about all the work he needs you to do, smiling that easy smile and saying, “That’s nice. I quit.” Tossing the badge into his coffee cup, pulling your chin up, and walking out while your boss sits there, mouth agape, in shock.

Maybe your fantasy looks a bit different, but I bet the feeling is the same. And it’s the feeling that counts: the feeling of getting even and going out on your terms.

Now, since you don’t seem to mind hard feelings, I figure this post of mine maybe didn’t go far enough for you. Maybe you need something more concrete. So below you’ll find 6 steps to take while quitting to make sure your fantasy becomes reality.

1. Make sure you have a new job lined up. Hopefully you did this at the first sign of trouble. Never try to work through issues with your boss! Working through issues could backfire! Best to just not go there. Honestly, this must be a good plan, so many people do it. And why not? It’s the career equivalent of dating someone new before breaking up with the current bf/gf. Which always works because it establishes a nice, solid foundation for that new relationship that’s free from the risk of cheating. Wait…. crap.
2. Have a scapegoat. You know, those problems around you could be a reflection of your own bad attitude. Better have a scapegoat in mind so you can pretend otherwise. Seriously, nothing wrecks a good “I quit!” like realizing it was your own damn fault.
3. Plan the whole thing out. Just in case part of your brain is thinking responsibly and wandering toward thoughts of how you might improve your current situation, distract it by focusing on the minutia of the quitting process: what you’ll say, what you’ll wear, where the conversation’ll take place, who you’ll high-five first, what drink you’ll order to celebrate over lunch… BONUS: if your boss tries to trick you by asking something like, “Is there anything I can do to keep you?” you’ll be so wrapped up in the administrivia of the moment that you’ll miss it completely.
4. Be rash. Can you articulate exactly what it is that has you so unhappy? It’s really best if you can’t. You’ll find quitting much more satisfying if you act before you truly understand what’s going on. It’s immature, for sure, but it’s also way satisfying in that selfish, 16 year-old, it’s-all-about-me kind of way.
5. Anyone who sides with your boss is an ass hole. Clearly. This one’s obvious, isn’t it?
6. Tell everyone how you feel. It’s all about your feelings, really. What’s this “performance” stuff people keep talking about, anyway? And “profit?” Please. Business hurts my feelings, people!

Oh, and… good luck with that next gig. Make sure to keep this post bookmarked in your browser… something tells me you’ll be needing it again soon.

Jason Seiden is Co-founder and CEO of Ajax Social Media, a training company that shows professionals how use social media to work more effectively.