Here are 10 easy ways to make sure that this recession flat out crushes you.
I know, I know, everyone wants to find a job during these tough times.
But do they…. really? The tactics I see people using seem almost guaranteed to result in failure… so, in the spirit of How to Self-Destruct, here is a checklist you can use to make sure you are doing what you can to job-proof your recession.
After all, if you roll with it and let the wave of prosperity carry you along when times are good, it should hold that you should ride the wave of destitution when times are tough… right?
(Lance and Willy, thanks for the inspirations.)
Well, regardless of your answer to that last question, follow this advice to maximize your free time in ‘09:
- Change your Twitter bio to read, “Looking for a job.” This is analogous to going to a bar wearing a shirt that reads, “Looking for a spouse.” We all know how this story ends. Like Van Halen said: “Jaime’s crying.”
- Apply to millions of jobs. Why take the time to find the one job that’s right for you and put your passion into that, when you can put minimal effort into scores of applications and whiff them all?
- “There was nothing I could do, it was a layoff thing.” Excellent. Blame the economy. By doing so, you have effectively neutered yourself—because if it’s not you, then there’s nothing you can do about it, so you may as well accept what you’re given. Don’t waste a moment thinking about how you might have made yourself “unfireable,” or who you might have built a relationship with who could’ve pulled you aside and said, “Psst, listen, you’re going to be let go, but here’s the number of someone you should call… they’re hiring, and I already told them about you…” If you did that, you wouldn’t have a great commiserating story to share at the bar!
- “There was nothing I could do, the company went belly up.” See #3.
- Adopt a bad attitude. Because I bet the people you’re interviewing with just love it when candidates coming in dripping with resentment. Seriously, which is more bitter, you or your coffee? I hope it’s you.
- Become one with the major job board. I know you like to talk about standing out. I also know that plan is super hard to execute when standing in the middle of a crowd of hundreds. Of thousands.
- Really emphasize work/life balance. Employees: with so many people looking to replace you, it’s good to make it easy for them by announcing that you only want to work so hard for the money. Searchers: Ratchet down your chances by making the job hunt a part time endeavor!
- Piss people off. Friends can only help you. Alienate them.
- Stay home. This is the very first thing in How to Self-Destruct: if 90% of success is showing up, then this will reduce your odds considerably.
- Get defensive about your skills. Ever notice how you can feel when someone gets defensive around you and how it can totally kill the vibe in a conversation? And how you have a physical reaction to defensiveness that makes you want to run the other way? I’m just saying.
What are the alternatives? How do I feel about the topic when I’m not writing tongue-in-cheek? Here you go:
- Use your Twitter bio to talk about what you want to do and/or the problems you can solve. Make yourself interesting to me. Make me WANT to reach out because I can tell immediately why I’d want you in my network.
- Focus. Discriminate. Ironically, you become a lot more attractive to a lot more people if you zero in on what you want. The way it works is that people like the way you sound, plug your vision into theirs, see it doesn’t quite fit, and then negotiate a middle ground.
- Two words: personal responsibility.
- Two words: personal responsibility. Look, I know you don’t control the finances. But it doesn’t matter. If you want to control your own destiny, then you have to control your own destiny! As I say in How to Self-Destruct: the only thing scarier than accepting control for your life is abdicating control over your life.
- The answer to the question “Hey, how are you” is, “I’m good… no complaints.” Because even if you do have complaints, I don’t care! Be grateful that you woke up this morning. Life on Earth was once described to me as an Outward Bound-like experience for angels. The trip may be super tough, but appreciate that you’re on it.
- Become one with your desires. Practice articulating your personal sales pitch. Focus!
- We are not here to take it easy, we are here to learn and grow. And that means making tough choices. If this economic bloodbath hasn’t convinced you that security is illusory and the best way to enjoy your life is to follow your passions as opposed to playing it safe, then tell me: what’s it gonna take? Balance is bunk, Sweet Pea.
- Be nice to everyone. Help everyone. If you see yourself as having no competitors, then you will have no competitors. If you see yourself as in a death race, then others will hoard resources from you same as you do to them.
- Get out there! Yeesh, this one’s easy.
- Own the feedback! What’s it cost you to accept feedback? You don’t have to agree with it, even, but accepting it provides the other side validation and creates a path to resolve whatever interpersonal issue is at hand without a fight.
In all seriousness, best wishes, and if you’re going through hell right now, may the trip be a short, non-stopper. If you need some perspective, try How to Self-Desturct It’ll make you laugh and get you back on track faster than you can scream, “Hooray! Autodeposit has been verified!”
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Love. This. Post. Love it! Honest and direct advice with no BS. People need candor right now and now more fluff telling them all will be well. All is not well, but with the list(s) you’ve provided, people can dust off and get back on the correct horse. Nice work Jason.
If I could give you a standing ovation, I would totally do it right this second. Fabulous post, right on target, and I wish every job-seeker HAD to read it before heading to Monster or CareerBuilder in the morning.
Great commentary and right on. I’m on a speaking circuit that addresses people in career transition. May I distribute this post with attribution?
Steve
Twitter: @recruiter_steve
You forgot one… get that one-page resume up to date! Seriously – great post!
@Mark—I’m still not convinced that you don’t wear a superhero cape under your suit.
@Kelly—Thanks, Kelly. I’m a total ham (runs in the family, I’ve got a sister on Broadway and a bro-in-law on TV), so you said the exact right thing to melt my heart.
@Steve—Knock yourself out… this blog is about helping people. If you would be so kind as to provide a link back, that would be even better!
@Paul—Didn’t you abuse me enough yesterday on FOTv?! I’m just playing. The 1-page resume turns out to be an indefensible position: like you and others have said: it’s about the quality of the content, not the length.
Love it. So on target as always. The only other self-destructing behavior I would add as an addendum to #9 Stay home: “Spend most of your day interacting with the computer, avoid human interaction as much as possible. It is a great way to feign networking without really doing anything.” That is the other self-denial I see going on in my business to which “get out there!” is a great response.
Jason, this is as good as it gets. Really, really great advice. And the power of how you tell that story is great.
Just brilliant. Thanks for the clear, concise presentation, the top 10 don’t/do format, and the healthy dose of humor mixed throughout the serious advice. Like Steve, I’ll be sharing this post (and link!) with all the job-seekers I know.
Nice post!
“irRIFfable” – And that means what, exactly?
Clearly, this isn’t written for anyone that could actually benefit from its content.
It’s written for the inner circle of the HR/recruiting world (in terms only they understand), so you can bathe in a steady stream of ego and self-congratulatory hoo-ha, sporadically interspersed with back pats from others.
How’s THAT for feedback?
@Jack
1. A RIF is a Reduction In Force. Good point, and I made the change above. Also, take a look at my post today—I hear ya on the need for less jargon.
2. Critique, disagree, whatever—but when you do it here, I expect you to do it without nasty insinuations. It makes you look like a jerk, and I think you’re better than that. Please keep the conversation productive.
Hi Jason. I’m loving your site, and especially your videos. I’m a big fan of plain speaking. I’d be keen to reference them on my site, http://www.alljobsUK.com , which is a portal for the UK market.
They say we are divided by a common language, but your advice is pretty universal. That said, in the UK, if you got the response “I’m good” to the question “How are you?”, then you would be asked again, “No not, what are you? – How are you? To which you would reply, “I’m very well indeed, thanks”.
Jason,
Thanks for the humor along with the great points! Low this one, and about to link to it. Thanks for making us smile.
@ Stephen, I say, it is indeed pleasant to hear from a peer from across the pond… link away, my good man, link away, and thank you for the advice: I’ll remember that the next time I share the lift with the Queen!
@ Steve Making you smile is the least I can do… heaven knows I’ve been a pain in the butt, too (Lori? Jackie? V? Can I get an ‘amen’?), so this is my way of ensuring I end up at LEAST karma-neutral.
Jason, great job, particularly on showing that networking doesn’t have to feel stodgy or abrasive (i.e., one-way card sharks). I’d love your comment on my January post, “Networking Tips You Don’t Want to Hear,” http://tinyurl.com/aennrn.
Best regards,
Chris
Chris Benevich
President
Panache Writing, Inc.
chris@panachewriting.com
(312) 420-9049
With all due respect, Jason, like Jack, you also need to be careful on how you state your suggestions. Your style of writing invokes nasty insinuations; it’s just as glib and a little smug as Jack’s, particularly in items 3 & 4. This is your blog; it’s your prerogative. But when you call a commenter on the carpet for nasty insinuations, and expect a higher level of civility is hypocritical. Although you’re partially correct – that people need to build relationships – we’re still experiencing a major economic recession, and there are many good people who’ve been separated despite their exceptional skills and good fit within departments and business units. At my company (a fortune 10 global IT corp), some of these people received excellent annual reviews (completed at my company days after these thousands of people were given notification of their pending separation). To suggest that these people had it coming because they weren’t politically connected well-enough is irresponsible. Some people aren’t political animals…they wish to be engaged with good work, to provide their unfireable work ethic and value to the company, to learn, and create solid relationships with many people in the company. So to suggest that it’s their fault that they didn’t job-proof their recession because they weren’t politically connected is rubbing salt in fresh wounds. Their confidence has been shaken, and to post cute and cutting remarks linked to Out of Work Chicago doesn’t encourage people found in circumstances that weren’t their own making. Again, it’s your blog, it’s your prerogative.
I like your point about challenging the notion that everyone out of a job wants a new one.
Since we’re also talking about being more creative during this economic slump, why not think outside the box of looking to work for another in the first place?
I’m rather amazed that there are plenty of skill sets that are for whatever reason not “conventional” enough to be taught in schools, but the mastery of which would lead to more autonomy.
Most of us are trained to be employees- nothing wrong with that, but I’m convinced that thinking that way is a kind of tunnel vision that keeps many from learning skills that wold allow them to carve out there own path to income.
One of them is as close as the computer in front of you. For the first time in history, we are 3 feet in front of the world, yet few learn how to use it in a way to render 1) value to others and 2)income for themselves.
leavethejobbehind.com
I saw your recent comment on Punk Rock HR. I was confused and intrigued enough to follow the link. I love the irony!