We all suffer from a sense of entitlement to some degree or another, but sometimes, one’s sense of entitlement goes so far as to flatten the personality. One’s self-esteem grows so grossly over-inflated that he becomes a caricature of the worst in himself.

Here are some quick ways to tell that you are in danger of becoming a caricature:

1. You no longer look both ways when crossing the street. It is amazing to me that anyone would think so highly of themselves as to not consider the possibility of miscalculating the speed and location of the nearest 1+ ton vehicle. Sure, we all have our absentminded moments, but if you honestly believe that traffic will always stop for you no matter what, and you believe in your own invincibility so completely that you don’t even think to check, then I suggest you take a trip down to the closest Toyota dealer and listen to the sound of an oncoming Prius. (Hint: it’s silent when the electric motor is engaged.) Then I suggest you visit an estate attorney and have your living will drafted.

2. You refuse to stay in anything less than a four star hotel. A reasonably popular TV star was in Hawai’i at the Four Seasons at Hualalai, and while messing around at the pool one day, he said to Richie Sambora, who was staying at the same hotel, “Let’s get a picture of all the stars!” Richie replied, in front of everyone at the pool, “Let’s get something straight: I’m a star. You’re on TV.” (Ouch!) Against the backdrop of that little story of an over-eager celebrity’s come-uppance, your insistence that you be treated like royalty every time you leave your home seems a little, shall we say, overdone. And by “a little,“ understand that I actually mean, “a lot.”

3. You externalize your sense of self. You measure yourself based on what you drive, what you wear, where you live, and what coffee you drink. You do this because your self-esteem is so stratospherically out of whack with reality that You The Person can’t possibly live up to You The Image. How out of whack? If you were Mother Theresa, you’d still think of yourself as a failure. So to fill the gap between who you are and how you see yourself, you borrow from the outside world. You use brand names to give you that extra “boost.” Like the people I went to business school with whose goals were to get BMWs upon graduation… apparently, having the education wasn’t enough, even with a framed diploma. Unless they could trade in their Civics for Beemer’s, they would consider themselves disappointments. When you externalize your sense of self, you lose control over your sense of self. We have a whole generation of kids today gladly handing over control of their self-control to major brands, and it’s a huge potential problem… should Gucci ever stop making sunglasses, millions of hipsters will no longer know how to judge themselves. I don’t know if I should laugh or cry.

4. You are older than twenty and still lament how no one understands you. As a teenager, your emotions are so extreme that claims of, “You don’t know how I feel!” are, at any given moment, probably true. Looking around, I find few adults who seem to remember what being a teen was like, making teens’ claims even more true. As a general rule, I am inclined to side with angst-ridden adolescents in the age-old debate against Unreasonable Parents. Once the hormones settle down, though, we start to see each other eye to eye… and my patience for complainers diminishes to zero. As adults, complaints of being misunderstood make no sense. We live in the richest country of the world, have creature comforts unparalleled in human history, and you’re whining that no one “gets” you? That the man’s holding you down? The Man’s never treated you so well! For instance, I have a client who struggles with a young professional who refuses to take feedback; no matter who talks to her or what gets said, she replies–with an exasperated sigh and a roll of eyes–“You… really have no idea what you’re talking about. you can’t possibly know what I’m dealing with.” Hmm. I study human behavior for a living. Plus, I myself happen to be a pretty introspective human being, and I’ve analyzed quite a lot of feelings over the years. Are you sure I have no idea what you’re talking about? That I’m not even close? Is it possible that of the other 70+ people in your office, not one of them can relate to you on any level? I’ve run the statistics, and I’ve confirmed my hunch: it’s not possible. You’re just full of yourself.

5. You cheat more often than not. The rules of the game don’t apply to you: stop lights, airport queues, laws against embezzlement, marriage vows. You feel entitled to cheat because people like you make the rules of the game… and surely people like you didn’t make the rules to apply to… people like you! No, the rules must have been made for those other hapless fools who weren’t sharp enough to help make the rules… (To clarify one point: you didn’t make the rules, but you could have because you’re smart. Those other people didn’t make the rules because they’re fools. Even if they think they could have made the rules, they couldn’t’ve. They’re the only ones who think they could’ve. Not like you. You really could have made the rules. So you say.) Besides, your personal interests are more important than the interests of those around you, anyway, so if someone needs to wait, they should.

If you engage in three or more of these behaviors on a regular basis, watch out! Your sense of self is no longer relevant to anything that exists in reality. You are on your way to becoming a caricature.

Posted under Self-Development, Gen X & Gen Y