Call me crazy.
Tell me I’m imagining things.
Just, don’t stand too close to me when you do it, OK?
Recently, I’ve found myself becoming prone to a generalized sense of annoyance when in close proximity to certain people.
(I know, I know: “Seiden, of course you have; that’s why we call those people ‘family!’”)
No, I’m talking about people I don’t know—”regular” strangers whose paths I seem to cross on a semi-predictable basis—as well as the friends, family, and other usual suspects whom I have annoyed so much by now I feel guilty just being around them.
Like the other night, I was out with my wife and others. Despite everything being pleasant and fun, every time I ended up in close proximity to one of the other guys there, I felt an urge to fight him. It wasn’t a terribly strong urge, it’s not like the bouncers were in any danger of having to earn their pay, but there was no mistaking that my fight-or-flight alarm was clearly being tripped. Repeatedly. And part of me didn’t want to let it slide.
I told my wife about it on the way home. She thought I was being childish, which I thought was a lazy and obvious conclusion on her part. But a couple of days later, she learned that my friend had been upset that night. Not at me directly, but the issue was one he did not feel comfortable discussing with me.
Has something like this ever happened to you?
That’s silly, of course it has.
The real question is, do you pay attention?
My guess is, you do and you don’t.
That is to say, on some level, your brain knows how to read situations emotionally, but at the same time, you’re more or less consciously blind to what’s happening. So you end up reacting to things emotionally without understanding what it is that set you off. Worse, if you’re clever enough, you probably rationalize your behavior using some sort of, “He started it!” excuse, even if you actually have no conscious clue what the person did to “start it.”
Getting in control of these emotional impulses is what executive coaches are talking about when they tell their clients to “improve their self-awareness.” It’s something I work on constantly, and as my dinner example shows, sometimes the journey can get a little unexpected. Still, even if you can’t put your finger on what’s happening, gaining the ability to recognize your annoyance as something you’re picking up from someone else—like a static charge—can be helpful. It can keep you from picking a fight when it’s not necessary to do so.
Of course, just to be totally clear here, self-awareness itself can be quite annoying: it leaves you “enjoying” the feeling of suppressing an emotion you’d rather act on.
So until you get it, do me a favor and, uh, don’t stand so close, OK?
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I'm Jason. I make people shine. My mission is to help 1 million people tell their stories better. 
{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
We ALL emit the essence of what we’re feeling, so it’s no surprise you felt that toxicity or negativity when you came close to it…your insight about reacting to triggers we are unaware of is an important one.
I just wanted to thank you for the variety and honesty you share in your posts, Jason; I enjoy them very much. I especially liked your closing statement “…self-awareness itself can be quite annoying: it leaves you “enjoying” the feeling of suppressing an emotion you’d rather act on.” Very funny!
~ Shauna Arthurs