“It’s not supposed to be like this!” That’s nice. Your point is…?

At the end of The Unforgiven, Gene Hackman laments to Clint Eastwood, “I don’t deserve this—to die like this.”

Eastwood’s classic response: “Deserve’s got nothing to do with it.”

The same can be said for the way we look, the way we live our lives, the way we are treated by others, the money we’re born into/not born into, the talents we have/don’t have… Life is unconcerned with deserve.

Life is… what life is.

We see people fighting this reality at every turn, and the results of the struggle are ugly. Consider the people you know in a professional context: do you know someone…

• Not getting the job because s/he refuses to use a connection? (“I deserve the job on the merits!”)
• Limiting his/her career by refusing to engage in politics? (“I shouldn’t have to play games!”)
• Walking into a crisis by refusing to mitigate foreseeable risks? (“People are supposed to follow directions, so that won’t be a problem!”)

Deserve? Should? Supposed to?

If you want to be both successful and happy, the only prerequisite is to accept what is. Plans made on the basis of what should be are doomed to fail. Judgment—in the form of phrases like “deserve,” “supposed to,” “should be,” and the granddaddy of them all, “if only,”—is nothing but a heart breaker. Plans based on what is, on the other hand, work.

Give it a try; repeat after me: “It is what it is.”

It is what it is.

Nicely done.

Never forget what should be. Your goal as a human is to improve the world and create what should be. But in your planning, remember too that you live in the imperfect present. (And that you contribute your fair share of imperfection to the world! No offense, of course; for the record, so do I.)

You don’t need to like your imperfections, just don’t fight them. Accept them, like Lenny accepting that her eyelashes are different colors. There’s power in acceptance.

Remember when Eminem does his final freestyle rap in 8 Mile? He may hate his life, but the moment he accepts it is also the moment he becomes unstoppable.

So whatever your goal, forget what you think the path “should” be.

Because when it comes to the path to your goals, should, deserve, and supposed to are irrelevant.

It is what it is.

Enjoy the ride.

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Tagged as: development, perspective, success mindset