The other day, I posted about “Always tell the truth” and other lies my parents told me. These were lessons that turned out to be more complicated than they seemed. Today, I thought I’d focus on the things I learned that have remained true through adulthood:
Life’s not fair.
True that.
Some people exist just to make your life miserable.
Not only that, but I’ve discovered that I am that person to certain other people.
Never trust someone who won’t look you in the eye.
Check.
Don’t build a jack story.
You don’t know what a jack story is? It goes like this: A guy gets a flat tire on a country road. He’s got an extra tire, but no jack. He starts walking to the nearest farmhouse and along the way, his frustration about his situation is growing. “I hope they have a jack” becomes “They better have an effing jack!” and then “Wouldn’t that be so perfect, they’ll probably have a jack and not let me use it!” Along he walks, grousing all the way, getting madder and madder. “I bet those nasty S.O.B.’s are going to make me beg!” he imagines. He gets to the farm, a man answers, and Mr. Flat Tire blurts out at him, “You can keep your damn jack!” before stomping off back to his car, empty handed.
Everyone’s got something.
Some peoples’ issues are more visible than others, but everyone, it turns out, is dealing with something.
Don’t worry about dying.
No need to waste your next breath waiting for the last one. When it’s your time, it’ll be your time. In the meantime, live.
You can stay up all night thinking about the “what ifs,” or you can get a good night’s sleep and be ready for tomorrow.
The what ifs’ll still be there in the morning. And since they can’t hurt you until then, you may as well sleep.
Eat your vegetables, you’ll grow big tits.
This wasn’t advice I got, this was advice my sisters got. Worked, too, although having four kids seems to have undone some most all of that for one of them.
Know your house and how to fix it.
It’s very rewarding to know that I can build stuff. To this day, I’ll call my dad over before doing home improvement projects. It’s a great bonding experience, I frequently learn something new, and we have the same, predictable argument every single time, which is funny.
Make your questions count.
It’s amazing what you can learn if you ask your questions the right way.
Know your car.
There’s no excuse not to know if your car will fit in whatever space you hope to drive through.
Find things to like about your kids.
As a parent, it’s your responsibility to meet them on terms they understand.
You’ll get more from the world with a kind word and a gun than with a kind word alone.
Even the most optimistic will agree with this one.
When your enemy suffers, don’t celebrate. You don’t have to help, but don’t celebrate.
Fortunes change. This strategy will keep you safe when they change against you.
Don’t you know who you are?!
Don’t go looking for reasons to need someone else’s permission.
Sometimes, it’s just your turn.
But that doesn’t mean you have to like it.
Be a friend.
Don’t abandon good people when they do a bad thing. Everyone goofs.
No good deed goes unpunished.
The reason you should do what’s right when no one’s looking is because that’s probably the only time when it won’t bite you in the ass.
I’m sure I missed something. This can’t be all they told me in the eighteen years I lived at home.
Jason Seiden is CEO of Ajax Workforce Marketing. Ajax amplifies brands by aligning employees' online messaging.
I'm Jason. I run a brand agency with a specialization in workforce marketing.
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Since I was the author of some of the original content, (with the help of Danny Thomas and Irwin Corey), and now have learned that someone actually heard me, there apparently is no longer a need for my existence. I am proud of the fact that not only were the words heard, the the meaning as well. Its also good that the words have been updated.
To those who follow Jason’s Blogs or any of his writings I say: he is a brillant commentator for he not only has the ability to see and understand, but his unique ability to help others learn from his observations. Its hard to affect change in others unless one is able to cause them to change themselves. Jason does that.
@Dad–I had no idea who The World’s Foremost Authority was until 5 minutes ago. I looked him up. My redemption: the Maltese Falcon was on the other day, and I made the girls watch the scene where Sam meets “the fat man” so I could say, “Kids, that’s Sydney Greenstreet,” just like you did once upon a time with me.
Thanks for the vote of confidence. I appreciate that.
Great post, really connected me to my own childhood and has inspired me to write my own version.
Loved seeing your father post a reply.
Keep up the good work, I love this blog.
@Mark—Thank you! Nothing like a trip down memory lane…
I remember the “jack” story. When my mother told it to me the punch line was “Damn you and your jack!” She told me I had that kind of mentality. I could think of every worst case scenario possible. I still do, except now I also think of the best case scenarios and venture more with a sense of hope than dread or anger. I guess some things are just hardwired into our psyches no matter what we do.
I loved this post, by the way.