No Promotion for You

Sometimes, you get offered a promotion but it’s not for you.

Before you say no, consider this:

How would you feel if you asked someone to marry you and they said, “No”?

Maybe a little hurt? Betrayed? Confused about how could be so mistaken in your understanding of the relationship?

Assuming the relationship continues, how fast would you be to ask a second time?

Work relationships work the same way.

If your boss comes to believe you’re promotion material and you slam that door shut indelicately, your boss will be left wondering what the heck went wrong, and where, and why. If s/he’s petty, you won’t get another bite at that apple because you’ll have bruised his/her ego; if s/he’s strong, you won’t get another bite at that apple because you’ll have signaled an inability to adequately address the situation at an interpersonal level—and your boss won’t be in a hurry to put you in front of clients or executives where your tone deaf style could cost the company serious money.

Either way, though: no second bite at that apple for you.

I had a great conversation about this with Anita Bruzzese, who used our conversation for a column she writes for USA Today.

Many employees miss the nuance of this situation; they expect to be able to deal with an unwanted promotion the same way they deal with any other unsolicited offer that comes their way: “No, thanks.” Problem is, your relationship with your boss runs much deeper. You may want that promotion later… or, you may want your boss’ support for something else, like a new project, or a reference letter to a new job.

Of course, just like a scorned lover, once bitten, twice shy.