Summer’s here… a time for visible tattoos, bathing suits, and outdoor alcohol consumption. Under normal conditions, we know these to be the ingredients for that popular dish, The Summer Fling. But add in a tension-filled (read: romance-free) economy, and don’t be surprised if people find even a brief courtship too filling. And that’s OK; people have proven they can live without romance.
But you know what they can’t live without?
Yep, that’s right, I’m going there: this is an article about hooking up with coworkers. Because pretending like it doesn’t happen isn’t helpful to anybody.
Now let’s be clear: don’t do it. There’s only a very small chance that hooking up with a coworker will lead to anything good or even neutral. But there is a ginormous chance that the experience will create an awkward work environment not only Monday morning, but for a long time to come, too. Just ask the bank officer I used to work with who received a “gift” from a coworker, and then had to explain her new Valtrex prescription to—that’s right—her husband.
Let’s also be clear about something else, too: avoiding temptation may be the best policy, but as a sole policy, it’s naïve. (Analyses of our national don’t-do-drugs-or-else and various states’ don’t-have-sex-or-else campaigns bear this out repeatedly.)
So, while your company may be legally obligated to provide you only a blanket, “don’t hit on your coworker” policy (that’s protect themselves when you offend your cube mate and get them sued—nice going, by the way), I’m not bound by your company policy, and I can tell you what you really need to know. Because sometimes, mature, responsible thinking is just going to elude you.
Guys:
- Most guys I know are more of the fumbling, uncertain type than the alpha male d-bag type. To these guys, I say: women generally don’t find your fumbling cute. They find it annoying. Either ask her or don’t ask her, but don’t rearrange your day so you run into her fourteen times before lunch. That’s just creepy.
- If the idea you have in your head is that the hottie down the hall will use some bad pick up line to get it on with you in the office after hours, then you need to cut back on the online video watching. You know what I’m talking about. It’s killing your soul and destroying your chances at a normal life.
- Be the guy who is friends with his exes. Make sure that whatever happens, you can look both her and yourself in the eye when it’s all over.
- When you start getting signals that don’t add up, take a hint.
Women:
- Don’t flirt. It’s unnecessary. Guys think you’re flirting just by breathing.
“Did you see what she’s wearing today?”
“She’s so hot in that dress. By the way, she smiled at me.”
“The Ice Queen? Smiled at you? Dude, she likes you. You should hit that.”
Show me an office where this conversation doesn’t take place regularly, and I’ll show you an office with no men. - Don’t dress for the clubs. You may look irresistible, but you also look cheesy wearing that to work. And if you’re looking cheesy, you’re attracting all the wrong guys (98% chance NSFW).
- Don’t give up control by letting yourself get talked into doing anything… out of the ordinary. And especially, no cameras. It doesn’t matter how nice he seems, you do not want the only thing standing between you and your entire professional reputation to be someone else’s discretion.
That’s it! Now armed with what you need to know, go out there, and show better judgment than the people who need this post!
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Great post, timely and true. I can tell you that age has its benefits, among the best of which are: perspective, discretion and judgement. Nice to see someone offering young pros a condensed version of all three, without getting all preachy about it.
However, it would be nice to see a fuller treatment of why the best advice really is as simple as “don’t do it.” You know it’s been a live issue since the dark ages when you can find admonitions against “dipping one’s pen in the company inkwell.” (”inkwell”?? Paging Dr. Freud….)