“The more things change, the more they stay the same.”
True. And man, the speed with which things stay the same has really picked up.
A recent SHAPE magazine survey found that 68% of women would give up sex for at least a month to get an “ideal bikini body.” Here are two photos of a magazine kiosk I recently took at O’Hare airport. Gee, I wonder why women would feel so much pressure to look good? (Ironically, the men’s magazine covers are much more diverse. It appears that all of the women’s magazines have been sexualized, except one about cupcakes.)
This isn’t a rant against the media. And this certainly isn’t some kumbaya post about how we should all just grow up and start acting with maturity. What good would that do?
I can’t do anything about that magazine rack. I can’t stop my kids from seeing it when we travel. Nor can I stop them from seeing the TV ads, movie posters, or store displays that convey the same message. I wouldn’t dare try to legislate this issue—today’s politicians import theocracy and gender inequality just as fast as they export democracy and human rights. Forget it.
So here’s what I can do. I can take an interest in who my kids are. Not how they look, but who they are. I can check in once a week with the older one. I can read to the younger one. I can take them on regular dates. I can ask them about their days and pester them about their friends. I can drag them along on errands and show them what I’m buying and why. I can have them help me build my decks for work. I can quiz them on their spelling. I can set high expectations for their school work and celebrate with them when they meet them. I can have dinner with them and kiss them goodnight. I can answer their calls and email them pictures of funny things I see during the day. I can remember what they tell me from one conversation to the next. I can deal with them with integrity. I can trust them with the truth.
I can’t stop them from seeing those magazines. But maybe—just maybe—I can fill them with enough character that they’ll never feel they need what those rags are selling.
A dad can dream, right?
Thanks for listening.
Jason Seiden is CEO of Ajax Workforce Marketing. Ajax amplifies brands by aligning employees' online messaging.
I'm Jason. I run a brand agency with a specialization in workforce marketing.
{ 1 trackback }
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Amen.
If magazine racks and fashion and Disney movies and the Internet and their friends and countless other things are going to bombard my kids every second with the message “You are not good enough”, then it is my job as their dad to make sure that in every single interaction they have with me I tell them and show them (leaving no room for doubt): “YES YOU ARE!”
This was encouraging to read today. Thank you for loving your kids.
-Kevin
Kudos to you for thinking about how your actions can help your kids navigate the crazy, messed up world we live in. And while you may address this in other ways (found my way here via a link from a friend), your post misses one big thing: show them what real beauty is (self-confidence, intelligence, generosity, etc., etc.) in the way you treat the adult women in their life.
Their mom, your partner, their aunts, grandmothers, caretakers, etc. Demonstrate that the things you are valuing in them today do not change once they and the women in their lives are adults. Smarts and tenacity are not the things you rely on until one has grown enough breasts to rely on those instead.
Little girls and boys want few things as painfully as they want to be “grownups” – so show them through your interactions with and conversations with other adults that what you value now are the same things you will be valuing once they’ve passed puberty.
Thanks for being so aware; your children are lucky.
Another thing I’d like to add: talk to your kids about what they see when they DO see those magazine racks or other things. Hear what their thoughts and feelings about them are. WHATEVER they are (e.g. Maybe your teenager does think the models on the cover are “hot”. That’s ok.) Be open to discussing all of their ideas so that they can broaden their perspectives instead of being forced to suppress their thoughts and feelings because they are not considered “ok”.
@Kevin—Easier done than said.
@Jen—You are so right. Point very well taken.
@Jenni—Actually, I’m the lucky one… and yes, being open is great advice. I wholeheartedly agree: you have to be open to wherever the process takes you…
Sounds like you’re saying treat your kids with respect. They’re people. Maybe we should treat all people that way.
I had a curious thing happen a couple of days ago. My daughter is starting graduate school in Ohio and we just returned from looking for a an apartment for her. We had appointments with many leasing agents and wandered in to a couple of places we saw in our travels. We had settled on a place and I called some of the agents who spent time with us to thank them and tell them we had decided to go somewhere else. The first guy I called, the second guy I called, the third guy I called, all said no one ever does that–extend the courtesy to let them know of our decision. Sheesh!. I thought this was common courtesy. When my daughter accepted the school’s acceptance, she contacted all of the other schools to which she applied, including those that rejected her, to let them know of her decision. As a practical matter, she’s going to be asking these schools for a teaching position when she gets her degree; why would she want to blow the off now?
Your kids are learning that listening to others’ opinions, letting other people tell their own stories, acknowledging other people’s accomplishments is the way they want to be treated and it will become a natural way for them to behave. Sounds like a plan.
In addition to the things you mentioned, I fully intend to discuss with them the fact that what they see on those magazine covers isn’t real. All of those models and movie stars are airbrushed to death. Even the movie stars aren’t as perfect as they seem to be. The only thing my daughters can do is be the best that THEY are. At 2 and 4 they are already wonderful and beautiful inside and out (mom bias), and I will encourage them to keep that spirit about them forever. My husband and I also show our love, appreciation and respect for each other in front of them. I feel it is important for them to see this lesson in life.
Gee, I wonder how old you are?
@Josh—You mean they do as we do, and not as we say?
@Mama—I’ve watched the Dove beauty vids with them, too. Powerful.
@PJ—Sometimes, I wonder the same thing.