What Handling Ambiguity means:

Handling ambiguity—and it’s close cousin, handling uncertainty—means being able to move forward in spite of unclear or non-existent direction. Uncertainty comes about from poor directions, such as “Fold the piece of paper in half,” which leaves one guessing as to which direction—lengthwise or crosswise—the fold should be made. Ambiguity is a bit more strategic, and has to do with a lack of context. For instance, if I say hello to you and you respond with a half-smile, you are being ambiguous: there is no mistaking the half-smile, but I have no context for it… are you angry with me? Annoyed? Is your mind elsewhere?

I define “the ability to handle ambiguity” as a combination of problem solving and initiative: it’s (1) the ability to tell the difference between things that should be dealt with literally and other things that require interpretation, (2) the ability to conduct the interpretation, and (3) the initiative to act on your conclusions. The ability to handle uncertainty is the same, but with less emphasis on the first part.

How to spot the ability to Handle Ambiguity:

When identifying someone’s ability to handle ambiguity, there actually a few things to watch for, including comfort with both social and problem-solving ambiguity, the willingness to take action, and good judgment when taking action. If you have someone you wonder about (”Um, this isn’t for me… it’s for a friend!”), watch for the following:

• Comfort with unclear social context—Does the person get visibly nervous during social silences? Can s/he tolerate a pause in a conversation? How does s/he handle it when left alone at a social function?
• Comfort when the problem itself is unclear—Does the person become visibly agitated when presented with a new, novel, or challenging problem? Does the person start to make excuses before even attempting to solve it, or does s/he dismiss the problem?
• Comfort with poor direction—Does the person get upset with unclear direction or does s/he take it in stride?
• Ability to bring structure to a social setting—Does the person take ownership for driving the interaction forward? Does the person draw others in and provide a more structured setting for everyone?
• Ability to bring structure to problem solving—Can the person take a theme, reduce it down to the/a core issue, and solve that issue?

When assessing someone for the first time, assume an inability to handle ambiguity until you see otherwise. the “default setting” for human beings is to claim to be good at taking initiative while actually being quite poor at it.

How to develop the ability to Handle Ambiguity:

If you haven’t seen this video yet, now is the time to watch it:

To develop your ability to handle ambiguity, reframe the issue: focus on reducing your need for externally applied structure. You can do this by playing little games at work, including what I call the “100% responsibility” game, which goes like this: whatever your problem is, assume that you have 100% responsibility for solving it. Mom and Dad are in the other room and just gave you the “We don’t care who started it, you end it” speech. On a sheet of paper, write down what you need to solve the problem, and then go do those things. Now, there are three rules about what you write down that will make this simultaneously challenging and rewarding:

1. You cannot be reliant on someone else changing who they are; you must accept everyone exactly on an “as is” basis. If you can express your thought as, “I could solve this problem ‘if only’ so-and-so would…” then you need to erase it. No “if only” allowed.
2. You cannot rely on someone else to do something out of the goodness of their heart. If you need someone’s help, then you must figure out how you are going to get it. Asking “pretty please” and putting sugar on top won’t cut it. Rationalizations that a 2nd grader could see through don’t count. You need to provide real value in exchange for what you need.
3. You cannot be waiting for anyone to do something. Whatever the plan, YOU must control the next step.

Posted under Making Competencies Actionable, Video, Self-Development

What Loyalty “is”:

Note: loyalty is the first thing mentioned to me by most business owners when I ask them to define a great employee. Initiative comes second.

There are two kins of loyalty: the unquestioning salute under all conditions is one, and a public salute with deep, penetrating questions behind closed doors is the other.

Not many Generation X or Generation Y professionals that I interact with seem to have much patience for the former. We have no problem saluting… as long as we are engaged and have the ability to ask pertinent questions behind the scenes. (And if we don’t? G’bye… either we’re gone, or the organization’s toast.) We see the person behind the rank, and we have little patience for jacknuts abusing their power. To us—to me—blindly following a leader in all circumstances… and further redefining “right” and “wrong” to match the actions of the leader… is not loyalty. It’s a deficiency in critical thinking skills—specifically, an inability to tolerate ambiguity—and/or a lack of self-esteem, an overwhelming need for approval, or a painful need to simply be told what to think, but it is not, repeat not, loyalty.

Are you listening, all you red/blue tribesmen?

What Loyalty is is the ability and willingness to see beyond a moment of pain in order to protect the long term relationship. When I got married, an older friend said to my wife and I: “Don’t expect a marriage to ever be 50/50. It is what it needs to be. Over the course of a lifetime, maybe you’ll get close to 50/50.” In other words, extend trust, take that bite out of the sh*t sandwich you just got served, and move forward. That’s loyalty.

Watch as a surprise visit from Lenny helps me crystalize my thoughts about the two forms of loyalty:

Spotting Loyalty in others:

If you want to know if someone is loyal, look at their resume: a consistent run of 2 year stints suggests a lack of loyalty, while both shorter and longer runs are OK. Leaving a number of positions after 3-6 months may show poor judgment, but it also shows decisiveness and a clear idea about who you are. There are some issues here, but loyalty is not one of them. And if you stay for 3 years or more, then I know you faced down your first “put up or shut up moment” with enough faith and trust built up that you were willing to look past it to give the organization a shot. But 2 years? I know instantly when I see a 2 year job that you hated your job after like 4 months and stuck around simply because you were worried how it would look on your resume. And if that’s true, then I know you put yourself above the company, and as hard as you may have worked, you always had one eye on the clock/on monster.com/on potential opportunities elsewhere, so you weren’t focused. You held yourself back and you held your company back. If you saw a problem, you complained, but didn’t invest the energy to solve it. You may think you did, but you didn’t. You couldn’t have: at 2 years, when you got tested (for some reason, something happens after 2 years on the job that tests you), you didn’t have enough personal investment to see things through. You had no roots. You were not committed to the solution; it was easier to say ta-ta. Two years is no man’s land.

Other ways to spot loyalty: ask about friends, and specifically if the person has any friends from “back in the day.” And if not, why not. Or, if it’s legal, ask about family. Or, pay attention to how the person approaches interpersonal relationships. Is s/he self-centered, treating others as his/her personal audience? Or does s/he show genuine empathy? Are “romantic” relationships conquests or partnerships? Does the person keep any traditions? There are scores of clues about a person’s sense of loyalty if you open your eyes to the world beyond work!

Developing your own Loyalty:

Can you develop your loyalty? I don’t know if you can. I think you can decide to commit to a person, project, or organization. I think you can invest daily in your world. And I do think loyalty grows from those things. But I don’t think you can develop loyalty directly any more than you can force yourself to love someone or pull an oak tree from an acorn.

Posted under Making Competencies Actionable, Video, Gen X & Gen Y

What Initiative “is”

What it is: Think “work ethic + problem solving.” Initiative is going beyond the obvious; it is following a train of thought to a roadblock, and then changing course in anticipation of that roadblock.

Spotting Initiative in others
Three words will separate the wheat from the chaff when it comes to initiative, and those three words are: “And then what?” If the person has initiative, the only time you’ll need to utter these words will be when they have paused, out of politeness, to ensure that you’re still following what they’re saying. If ever. If the person lacks initiative, you’ll be asking this question—or it’s close cousins, “…and you’re telling me this because…?” “So… what have you done about it?” and “If you ‘knew this was going to happen,’ then why didn’t you say something?”—constantly.

Developing your own Initiative
Discipline and practice, Baby… discipline and practice. Every day, do at least one thing to move you close to your goal… or, if you don’t have a goal, to improve your professional situation in some way. For people who have none, ere’s a five step plan for getting started with increasing your initiative:

1. Turn off the TV
2. Think of something that needs to be done/fixed in your home, that doesn’t need to be done today, and do it anyway.
3. Now that you’ve broken the ice, pick a goal that will take more than 10 minutes to accomplish. Like: do 10 push-ups every day for 3 weeks; go vegetarian for 3 weeks; read How to Self-Destruct: Making the Least of What’s Left of My Career in 3 weeks.
4. Do it.
5. Repeat! Repeat! Repeat!

More in the video:

Posted under Making Competencies Actionable, Video, Self-Development

What decisiveness “is”

Truly, a “I know it when I see it” kind of behavioral competency. The person who is decisive is confident, quick, even, and unyielding—at least, until there is a reason to reconsider. The decisive individual appears to have thought through every angle, and while you may disagree with what the person says, you find you have to respect the process that brought them to their conclusion.

On an emotional plane, you may find this person worthy of admiration, and also disdain.

If that doesn’t make sense, consider this: you cannot lead the decisive person; that person leads you, by sheer virtue of the fact that the person is moving faster than you. (Someone who comes to conclusions slower than you is not someone you will interpret as being decisive.) The truly decisive individual challenges you for primacy, and is therefore a threat to your ego, assuming you have one. The more alpha you are, the bigger the perceived threat.

And what this means is, while you—the ambitious future leader—admire the person’s decisiveness as a leadership trait worth emulating, that same trait can also trigger a fight-or-flight reaction in you. If you come out on the side of fight, that can translate into feelings of disdain (”How dare he, the presumptuous bass turd!” On the other hand, a flight reaction may lead to feelings of self-doubt, jealousy, and… disdain (”Why, that manipulative little sheet ball, I should’ve seen that coming! Man, what was I thinking?!”)

The upshot? Truly decisive indivdiuals are readily identifiable, but before you pull them onto your team, make sure you’re ready for the challenge!

How to spot decisiveness in others

My favorite technique for uncovering decisiveness is something I learned from my father-in-law. Ask about life decisions the person has made: where they went to college and why; where they went for their first job and why; what they did after each job and why they left; what’s next for them (professionally).If you pay attention to the way these decisions get made, you’ll notice trends, such as:

• The person who always has a friend pull them from one opportunity to the next… “My best friend was going there,” “A buddy told me about it,” etc.
• The person who avoids risk… “The opportunity was too far from home,” “I didn’t want to jump into a new industry without having a chance to do a whole lot of research first,” etc.
• The person who craves excitement and risk… “The answer is ‘Yes!’ What was the question?”
• The person with a clear plan.
• The person who is driven by idiosyncrasy and coincidence… and is perpetually lucky.
• The person who is strictly analytical.
• And so on…

Developing your own decisiveness

There is one skill you need to hone if you are going to amp up your own decisiveness, and the skill has nothing to do with your ability to think strategically or crunch numbers. Watch the video to find out what it is!

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Posted under Making Competencies Actionable, Video, Self-Development

Spotting for courage in others is tricky. Moreover, spotting courage in yourself is also tricky. Courage isn’t a “thing” unto itself. It’s not the absence of fear, it’s not confidence, and it’s not decisiveness. It’s not boldness, quickness, or anything else.

Courage is defined solely by what you do.

You know what courage feels like? It feels like FEAR. Courage is continuing to press forward even when you’re back is up against the wall and failure is almost certain. You know what you’re feeling when you’re back is up against the wall? FEAR.

So you may want courage, you may tell other people you have courage, but when push comes to shove, the last thing you want to do is have to prove your courage, because it is impossible to demonstrate courage without also demonstrating fear. You cannot show the ability to act in spite of your fears without also showing the fears!

So here’s my wish to you: may you spend your whole life wondering if you are courageous.

Posted under Making Competencies Actionable, Video, Self-Development