We all make promises to ourselves; some stick, and some do not. Why the difference? Why is it so easy to hold ourselves accountable to certain goals and so difficult to stay on top of others?

It is because some realizations result in a Moment of Clarity, while others do not. When we have a Moment of Clarity, we are able to see the path to success and to take control of it. Without clarity, we may say all the right words, but we cannot get the traction we need to make our efforts “stick.” Our best intentions fall apart, and we continue to feel victimized by an unfair world.

So what is a Moment of Clarity? A Moment of Clarity is a shift in perspective that allows us to take full control of a situation despite the obstacles in front of us.

That scene in The Matrix when everything slows down for Neo, when he finally figures out what it means to be The One, is a Moment of Clarity. So is the scene in Star Wars when Obi Wan refuses to fight Darth Vader. For those of you not of the sci-fi persuasion, think Alice in Wonderland, realizing, “You’re nothing but a pack of cards!” There is a fearlessness that comes with a Moment of Clarity, but it’s not the euphoric fearlessness that comes with the Quality Event. Moments of Clarity are more often like a kick in the gut: they come with a lot of responsibility, and also the realization that the solution was always within your grasp. (No wonder people spend more effort avoiding them than courting them!)

Moments of Clarity are required for anyone who desires to excel at something. They have three components:

1. A conflict statement. Moments of Clarity begin with a world view that is conflict with itself, as in, “I’m the smartest person in the room but I can’t get anyone to agree with me.” Conflict statements have to meet two criteria. The first is, they need to be in the language of I. As in, “I’m doing a good job, but I’m not going anywhere.” Or, “I don’t carry grudges, but I have a number of frosty relationships.” The second criteria is that the conflict statement must pair a belief about yourself with an outcome that doesn’t seem to follow from the belief. “I’m confident, but I tend to fold when dealing with Jeremy,” is another good example. Bad conflict statements would be things like, “I’m confident, but I’m not confident around Jeremy” (two belief statements), or “I’m confident, but Jeremy’s a butter head and won’t listen.” (Not in “I” language.)
2. A choice. The most critical element of the Moment of Clarity is the decision to achieve a different outcome even at the expense of a dearly held belief. You have to want the outcome badly enough to let go of that prized belief about yourself. Why? Because actions are driven by beliefs! This means that in your conflict statement, the belief side is more powerful than the outcome side… which in turn means that you cannot change the outcome side of the conflict statement until you change the belief side. Picture the student who says “I’m smart but I’m getting a bad grade in accounting.” This student is letting her belief that she is “smart” to cause her to do something—or maybe not do something, like study enough, or see a tutor—that is getting in the way of her accounting class grade. She can promise herself she will work harder until she’s blue in the face, but until she lets go of her belief about being smart, she will not be able to change her behavior, and therefore will not be able to achieve a better grade. Abandoning a belief about yourself is not easy. To make your choice stick, the decision must be reaffirmed regularly (probably daily, if not more frequently), and it must be supported vigorously and courageously in the face of grave doubt. There are two ways to overcome doubt: one is to stand firm, the other is to remove yourself from people who doubt you. Don’t be surprised if, when you start defending your choice, your friends start to change.
3. A discreet interim goal. If you already had everything you needed to resolve the conflict, you would have already done so. Therefore, it must be that you do not yet have what you need, and that your next step will be to figure out what you need and to get it. This is what really separates Moments of Clarity from short-lived flashes of insight: the acceptance of a discreet, interim goal that puts the resolution within reach. The interim goal could be developing a new skill or cultivating a new relationship. It could be obtaining a new resource, or adopting a new perspective. Whatever it is, it must be introduced to the situation before the conflict will resolve itself.

Moments of Clarity lead to continual action, incremental progress, and momentum. Built upon a foundation of commitment to a larger goal, Moments of Clarity make it possible to see how a path of small Quality Events will lead to large wins. They help bring a level of integrity and egolessness to decision-making, and create an environment of active and eager learning: the person who has had a Moment of Clarity seeks out the new skills s/he needs to be successful with about as much fear as a golfer approaches a golf lesson.

Posted under Coaching & Consulting, Self-Development