Love Thy Neighbor (A How To)

“Love thy neighbor as thyself.”

Excellent concept. I buy it. But how?

I’m human. Sometimes, a little more so than I would like. For instance, put me in a room with an ass wipe, and I can literally feel it. I have a negative emotional reaction before he ever says a word. It’s an unmistakable feeling of agitation, and leads to me quickly and subconsciously inventorying the exits and objects that might make good weapons.

Sometimes, if my brain is paying attention, I consciously note that my fight-or-flight alarm has been tripped. Often, I’m not that good. All I know is that I’d just as soon punch the douchebag in the face as say hello.

So how am I supposed to “love” this stickwad then, when I’m not experiencing self-awareness?

Your Most Powerful Tool For Showing the Love: Truth

I am a big proponent of “killing ‘em with kindness.” It let’s you make the world a better place and ruin that ass wipe’s day all at the same time.

Let me show you how, using a common work example:

Picture this: your boss is fearful, power-hungry, and petty. She’s universally despised by her direct reports. When she gets developmental feedback, she dismisses it because she thinks her team is jealous of her. You hate working for her. Now, assume it’s review time. Things aren’t going too well for her (shocking), and your Spidey-sense is tingling: you’re the scapegoat.

You walk into the review and your boss tells you you’re being demoted.

At this point, many people would go fight-or-flight, and either start defending their record or becoming one with the furniture.

That’s all wrong. There’s no reason to either fight or run away. First of all, you hate your job—why fight for it? Secondly, she’s not listening. Evil people live in a world of drama and conflict; she’s ready for your little tirade. And third, you’re not a runner.

Instead, show the love by telling the truth: “That’s great! It’ll give me a chance to get the mentorship I need, and will let you really focus on improving your relationships with a a more manageable number of directs. Excellent idea.”

See what you’ve done?

You just told your boss she’s a crappy mentor, ill-thought of by her subordinates, and unable to handle her current job. There’s now a big beam of sunlight shining on her problems. She doesn’t think she has weaknesses, but—thanks to you—she now knows that others do. She’ll try to ignore what you said, most likely. But whether she argues with you or redirects the conversation, it doesn’t matter. You’ve already accomplished two things:

(1) you’ve forced evil to confront itself—always a day-ruining proposition, and

(2) you’ve created an opportunity for evil to consider a better way… by making her think about her shortcomings.

Go ahead, walk out of there with your head held high. You may not be perfect, but you did just make the world a tiny bit better.

All because “you loved your neighbor.”