A: So, you hate your job? One thing you could do is follow Drew Carey’s advice, and join the support group for that: it meets every day at 5pm at the bar. You could try to fix things, too. Or, you could amplify the badness of the situation with any one (or more) of the following self-destruction tactics:

1. Wait for someone else to fix your problems. This will compound your misery by highlighting the fact that no one else at work is focused on how you feel.
2. Look for a new job at the first sign of trouble. Running away from your problem, when your problem is a lack of personal responsibility, is an awesome, and highly ironic, self-destruction tactic. You know how when you finance a flat screen TV with a credit card and then pay the minimum due every month, you end up over your head in debt? Trying to run away from yourself kind of has the same impact on an emotinal level.
3. Complain to everyone. Make it so that any friend who could possibly help you can’t stand to listen to you and starts to run away whenever you come around.
4. Blame the system. Excellent! Now not only do you have a problem, but you’ve made it intractable to boot.
5. Try harder. If what you were doing is what got you into this mess, then logically it follows that doing more of it should make things worse.

If you happen to be one of those rare masochists who actually wants to figure out the right way to fix things, then I suggest the following steps. BUT BE FOREWARNED, these tactics will not help you self-destruct.

1. Face it: you’re no picnic. Despite all the times you’ve been told, “The only one you have to please is yourself,” no one ever bothered to tell you that this is only true if you hold yourself to a high standard. Do you hold yourself to a high standard? Here’s a test: If you think that “character” is a relative term that can be defined on an individual basis, your standards are not high enough. If you think that “character” can be defined in Ayn Randian black-and-white, your expectations are noble but unrealistically rigid and functionally impractical. Seek feedback from others and pay attention to it.
2. Seek feedback by looking at how people respond to you. DO NOT ASK PEOPLE, “DO YOU HAVE SOME FEEDBACK FOR ME?” People are generally not skilled in delivering feedback in that way, and you will likely get something that is either whitewashed or overly harsh. Instead, look at people’s faces when you talk to them: do they smile or do they stare at you stone-faced? What do people do when you walk in a room–do they say hi? seek you out? ignore you? turn their backs? Can you get things done in your organization or are there other people who can get things done easier? THIS IS ALL FEEDBACK ABOUT YOU. Life provides honest, real-time, 360-degree feedback at every moment, if you care to pay attention.
3. Allow the feedback to sting. It will. You will be tempted to lash out and blame other people for being wrong. Resist.
4. After the sting wears away, do something with the feedback you get. Specifically, think about the reaction you wish you would get–for instance, maybe someone rolled their eyes at you when you wanted them to agree with you–and then change your own behavior until you get the desired reaction. Watch people who are having more success than you, (admit silently to yourself that you are jealous if you need to), and then channel your energy into trying to beat them at their own game.
5. When you start telling yourself, “This feels fake. I don’t want to pretend to be something I’m not,” remind yourself that you’re not pretending, you’re changing. You are deciding that the old you wasn’t cutting it and you are actively becoming something new. Make sure you can distinguish “unnatural” from “fake” before you go labeling new behaviors!

These last 5 points represent very dangerous advice. Be careful with it.

Posted under Q&A, Coaching & Consulting, Gen X & Gen Y, How to Self-Destruct