A: I don’t care how many people you have on your IM account; true friends are hard to find and the most precious thing in all the world when you do find them. Friends–real friends–stand by you even when they’re not with you. They think about you (bonus if they call and let you know that) and root for your success. When they see you doing something wrong, they find a way to get the message through to you. They understand the boundaries of the relationship and take risks that balance their desire to protect the relationship against what they feel you really need in that moment.

False friends come in a lot of flavors. Common ones we all know to watch for are the User, the Brown Noser, and the Drama Maker. Here are six other, more subtle forms of false friends that we don’t usually think about, but who are equally as troublesome:

1. Competitor—He supports you only as long as you don’t achieve quite as much as he has. Get close to surpassing him and his support evaporates. An undercurrent of jealousy keeps this friendship in check.
2. Patronizer—Sees you like a kid brother and leaves you feeling like you have something to prove. Over time, his limiting compliments—around which he does not provide a path to let you overcome—stunt your growth.
3. Bonzai—The ability to lay things on the table takes courage and is a great skill to have, but the friend who calls people out on every issue inhibits relationships from maturing as surely as aggressive over-pruning keeps plants from ever reaching their full potential.
4. Laissez Bon Temp Roullez—“Let the good times roll!” Fun to be around, but as fulfilling as a bag of gumdrops. There is a time and a place to cut loose. There is also a time and place to focus.
5. Detached—She keeps you at a distance. Conversations never quite feel… right. To this friend, you may as well be a character on a TV sitcom. You’ll spin your cycles seeking an emotional response that never quite comes.
6. Collector—Cares about the network, not the people in it. If you ever need something from this person, be prepared to trade your name to get it. Otherwise, you’ll find yourself SOL.

We all have false friends to some degree… and we all ARE false friends at times. These are not meant to be absolutes… they are guidelines. The best way to use these guidelines? Use them to change your own behavior and become a better friend yourself.

Posted under Q&A, Self-Development, Communications