I’ve been holding off on writing this post for some time because of the inherent difficulty Americans have in using the word “sex” in anything other than a snickering, “little brother ogling a contraband magazine over his big brother’s shoulder” kind of way, but when I noticed that my post about office inappropriate dress has about 30 trackbacks (that I know about), I figured what the heck.

In 1960, Napoleon Hill spotted that the energy needed to be successful had a sexual element to it. Control your urges, and you can redirect that energy into your business. I thought that made sense, and even though I had thought the same thing before, I was surprised to find the concept printed in a book… written during the ‘50’s! I had taken flak for a section on sex in How to Self-Destruct from initial readers in 2006, so I guess I was surprised to find an entire chapter on the subject in a business book from a presumptively more repressive time. That bothered me a great deal: How could it be that while every other part of this book has been repeated and amplified countless times over the years, this subject was so ignored that I was surprised to come across it? Why are we so uncomfortable with this discussion?! Why is it artists–who tap into the same creative energies–can explore and discuss it with abandon but in business it’s taboo?!

Consider the parallels:

1. At the most visceral level, sexual urges are the manifestation of a biological need we all share to create the next generation…. to procreate. Similarly, business success requires something that we alternatively call passion, energy, drive, gumption–and that could, convincingly, be described as a creative spark coupled with a purposeful use for it.
2. In some cases, with some partners, the goal of sex may be transactional, and you may not care a whit what benefit (if any) the other party experiences. With others, sex may be part of a broader, mutually rewarding relationship, and you may care a great deal. Now reread these sentences, but where it says “sex,” read “sales.” Then, for fun, find a top sales person and ask them which is better, closing a big deal or sex, and watch them hesitate.
3. Cheap sex can be initially satisfying and sometimes a great story, but often leaves one unfulfilled, with a lingering sense of emptiness. Ditto easy money.

I don’t know if you believe in love at first sight, soul mates, or anything like that, but if you do, check that thought, it’s not what I’m talking about. What I’m talking about here is sexual energy. It’s not even lust; in fact, in a way, it’s the opposite of lust: if you consider lust an uncontrollable sexual urge that leads to blind conquest and indifference as to consequence, then this is precisely the opposite. This is that subtle but unmistakable surge you feel the moment you see someone and know–beyond a shadow of a doubt, without arrogance, without the need to dominate, and without any awareness of how things will play out or even how you know any of this–that there’s a match, and that a guiding hand will move you purposefully through the next little while (be it an hour, a week, or a year) until it comes to you.

That’s the same feeling, the same energy, the same subtle energy you feel at work when you’re successful. There is a moment of time when you know, and it’s exactly the same kind of knowing. The sale is coming to you (or not), the deal will close (or not), the other person will work with you (or not). You cannot look up an alternative form of knowing in a book about delegation. Mastery of cost accounting won’t prepare you for this. But you know what will? Your memories of getting rejected by dates in high school and college. Yes, life definitely throws you curve balls, and sometimes you find that what you thought was a sure thing isn’t because the other person’s attention is focused elsewhere or because today’s just not your day. But when you can wake up in the morning and capture that energy, store it and focus it, you are on track to have a lot more good days than bad. You’ll get a lot more done and have a lot more success.

And, almost as an aside, for all the talk about the problems with interoffice romance, this is the one argument I’ve never heard mentioned, and yet it could be the most important! If you use it, you lose it, so be careful what you do with it. When I look at the difference between those at the top (or on the rise) and those milling about beneath them, what stands out most clearly is that the movers and shakers have far more control over their urge to create. They can hold on to it, harness it, and direct it. They are purposeful in their actions… they know when build slowly and when to hammer home. They don’t always win… but they win a lot more often than they lose… that guiding hand is a very powerful force to have in your corner.

So send me your complaints if you want. Tell me I’m being totally inappropriate by making this analogy. My mission in life is not to keep you comfortable, it’s to make you successful. And this is too important a point to let slide for want of being politically correct.

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