Sloth Management: A Personal Productivity Guide for the Lazy Shit in All of Us

I rarely do guest posts. This is that rare one. At dinner in New York the other night, my friend and colleague Craig Fisher outlined his model for “sloth management,” a productivity plan based on the presumption that people are lazy, lazy, lazy, and more lazy. His model like an over-the-top, crass version of the “Ruda plan,” which is what we use to stay organized at Chez Seiden. (My wife’s maiden name is Ruda. Guess which one of us is lazy.) Craig’s working on the book for this. As he talked through his points, I jotted them down. Here you go:

Find the app for that. Whatever you’re trying to do, there’s almost certainly an app, website, program, or macro that will let you automate it.
Just say no. Unless someone will die if you don’t do that next piece of work, fuck it.
Don’t answer. You know what happens when you don’t respond to peoples’ emails? They figure it out by themselves.
Waste time on social media. You know a ton of experts who would love to do small consulting projects for you… you just need to keep in touch with them. #gooduseoftwitter #betteruseofwordswithfriends
Get a little douchey. Personal branding may be a little douchey, but biz dev calls go a lot faster when the people on the other end of the line already know your schtick.
Keep a routine. Life’s a lot easier if you always know where to go and when to go there.
There’s a pill for that. Bodies aren’t built for living in a 24 hour world. Keeping sleep rhythms, workout routines, and diets can be a shit-ton of work some weeks. Popping pills isn’t. So if there’s not an app for it, check to see if there’s a drug for it. Over the counter, of course.
Know your weaknesses. Admit them. Acknowledge them. Give them a hug. And then hire people to do all that crap you’re not good at.
Flirt. Getting what you want is much easier when the person you want it from feels attractive and loved. Don’t assume the person’s getting this validation from anywhere else. Find what’s awesome about the person you’re working with and make sure you both feel good about it by the end of the conversation.
Be a connector. Take your introversion and shove it up your ass. It’s much easier to get paid for putting people together than for doing work.
Do what you’re awesomest at. Take your extroversion and shove it up your ass. When it’s time to execute, be great at something and stick to executing that one something no matter how much people try pulling you in different directions.
Boost your numbers. Your Twitter follower doesn’t count for squat… until it impresses a client. Play the game.