The Expertainer’s Glossary

Buzzword bingo?

Passe.

To survive today’s meetings, you need to do more than listen for what’s said… you need to listen for what’s behind the words. Which is why this Expertainer’s Glossary is so much more powerful than the latest list of jargon… this list will help you get to the meaning behind the words, and figure out just how up a creek you actually are. (Not safe for work.)

Administrivia: Paperwork and menial processes that serve no purpose but keeps someone, somewhere, employed.

Clusterfudge: A team project gone very wrong.

Donkey Nuggets: Alternative for “BS!” that makes people giggle.

Grunt: All employees who are not the CEO.

Grin F*ck: Saying something that sound great when the underlying intention is negative. This is the ultimate brush off, a la “I’ll call you.” The record producers in Pink Floyd’s song  ”Have a Cigar” show themselves as grin f*ckers when they ask, “Which one’s Pink?”

Horse Feathers: 
Synonym for donkey nuggets.

Limiting Compliment: A compliment that tears you down more than it builds you up. For example, “She really maximizes her strategic abilities in her new job.” (Think about it.) People who hand out limiting compliments use them to keep you under their thumb, either because (1) they’re meanies, (2) they’re control freaks, or (3) they don’t want the change you’re bringing.

Now We’re Cooking With Gas: 
Not a term to be defined. We just are.

One or zero: How IT professionals rate female colleagues. It’s a binary scale that translates into English as “Would I sleep with her, yes or no?” it is known universally amongst men. It just is.

I’m Picking Up What You’re Putting Down: A seven word phrase that means, “Got it.”

Sandbagging: Dropping a bomb on someone during a meeting for which they are totally unprepared. Implies that the bombing was unnecessary and excessive.

Turd Sandwich: Life serves ‘em up some times. Chew fast. 

Smartest Guy In the Room: (1) A limiting compliment used to describe an arrogant manager. (2) Someone who’s seriously brilliant.

Swoop-and-Poop Management: Management style marked by long stretches of non-involvement, punctuated by acute bouts of micromanagement.

Whiny Little Bitch: Those other people you work with.

These are just some of my favorite terms that really help me know where I stand. What are yours?

Jason Seiden is Co-founder and CEO of Ajax Social Media, a training company that shows professionals how use social media to work more effectively.