Tips & Tricks: Develop Your Conversational Awareness (4 of 5)

How do some people always seem to know how to take control of a conversation? The answer is so obvious, it may surprise you: by going beyond what people say and paying attention to how they say it.

For instance, below are two common behaviors you might see in a conversation, including an overview of the impact of each, and what you should do that would be better. (For the rest of this series, see the links at the bottom of the page.)

#7
WHAT YOU SEE
A coworker waits so long to deliver important news that you hear it from others first. Then the person delivers her news as if she expects it will be the first time you’re hearing this information.

WHAT IT TELLS YOU
She doesn’t know how to prioritize. (You should have heard from her first!) Also, she doesn’t understand how information travels through informal channels.

HOW YOU USE IT
You let her get through her pitch, then give her a well-thought out response as if you were speaking off the cuff. She walks away wondering how you analyzed the situation so quickly, unaware that you had plenty of time to plan. She may also get in hot water with you if your delay made you look foolish for not knowing something you should’ve.

HOW YOU CAN AVOID THE TRAP YOURSELF
If it’s important, deliver the news right away, before the intended recipient hears it through the grapevine. Do this even if your delivery is unpracticed and raw.

#8
WHAT YOU SEE
In a meeting, a teammate looks at you and says, “I can’t do X unless you do Y.”

WHAT IT TELLS YOU
Your teammate can’t do X under any circumstances. (If you do Y for him, he’ll get stuck on Z.)

HOW YOU USE IT
Don’t do Y. Use your energy on having task X reassigned.

HOW YOU CAN AVOID THE TRAP YOURSELF
When facing a roadblock, say, “Sure, I can do X. Of course, to sustain it, Y needs to happen. Should I do Y, or should I rely on you to take care of it?”

Many people don’t realize that to the attentive listener, the decisions people make about how to communicate—for example, the words they use, the tone they take, the pauses they make before talking—all tell a story. Since actions speak louder than words, the story these decisions tell is often a more accurate indicator of what the speaker really means than the spoken word. (Not always, but often.) Pay attention to these subtle clues and you too will be able to take control of your conversations!

Jump to…
Tip #s 1 & 2
Tip #s 3 & 4
Tip #s 5 & 6
Tip #s 7 & 8 You are here!
Tip #s 9 & 10 (Coming Feb 10.)

Jason Seiden is Co-founder and CEO of Ajax Social Media, a training company that shows professionals how use social media to work more effectively.