Using Online Information in Real World Conversation

In the past, meeting someone meant talking to a person with whom you had no idea if you shared any common interests. You’d break the ice and go from there. And loosely speaking, extroverts were people who had an easy time with this while introverts struggled.

With LinkedIn and social media, all that is changing. Not entirely, of course… but now, because of what you can learn about a person online, you often learn a person’s interests before ever meeting.

I have a whole theory about how relationships are changing—how control over relationships is being democratized, and how introversion and extroversion are shifting—but those are posts for another day.

Today, let’s answer a simple question: How do you use information you’ve learned online in a real world conversation without being creepy?

Bottom line here: you want to show genuine interest while also respecting the person’s space. Here are five ideas on how to do this:

1. Keep it safe. Maybe you saw on Facebook that the person was at a recent Occupy rally, but you think Occupy is stupid. Not a safe topic. Skip it.
2. Keep it light. This is especially true when referencing personal information. Even though my daughters appear on my blog, I promise you, asking me how Elle is doing two seconds after introducing yourself is not endearing. Better: “I saw a video of you doing a performance review with your daughter when she was in kindergarten… priceless!”
3. Keep it positive. The person is interested in knitting? Declaring that “Knitting’s stupid,” is a bad way to go. Better: “I could never understand the appeal to knitting, but clearly lots of people love it—what am I missing?”
4. Keep it centered. Online, it’s easy to read a certain level of intensity in what people write—even if it’s not there. Like the Occupy example; just because someone “likes” it doesn’t mean that the person is a left-wing eco-terrorist! Maybe he likes it a little bit. Maybe he doesn’t like it but his brother’s an organizer and he wants to support his family. Who knows. To find out, start with something more neutral and centered, like, “What do you think of Occupy shifting from parks to foreclosed homes?”
5. Keep it about them. Use what you learned online to learn more. Learn someone likes skiing? Do some homework so you can probe: “What type of skiing do you do?” “What’s the difference between resorts—isn’t one mountain the same as the next?”

Following these tips will help you use what you learn online in real world conversation… without the risk of appearing creepy.

Got another technique that works? Please share!

Meet you soon…

Enjoy this blog? Listen to my new podcast, Beyond Social. It'll help you use social media to improve the way you work and live.

Tagged as: etiquette, social media, social skills