You’ll Never Know the Truth. Move On.

When you lead, you never really know what happens behind your back, and you can’t turn around, because the moment you do, you’re no longer leading. This leads to frustrating situations in which you can’t tell…

Why you were fired…

What she said/didn’t say about you…

or Why you didn’t get the promotion even though your former boss allegedly wrote a glowing recommendation.

Unfortunately, insisting to yourself and others that you “need closure” doesn’t help one bit. Sure, you can ask, but you can’t ever trust the answer others give you, so why bother?

In my experience, very few people have the poise to answer a direct question directly… and even fewer people have the courage to trust the truth when presented with it.

Worst yet, we all worry about being lied to, when in fact we don’t think twice about lying to others!

Here, I’ll show you… stop me when I tell you something you yourself have said:

To someone else: “It’s not you… it’s me.”
To yourself: I so can’t stand you, I’ll say anything to make you go away as quickly as possible.

To someone else: “No, no, the job is great… it’s just this other position is such a huge opportunity, I can’t pass it up.”
To yourself: You are a terrible boss.

To someone else: “You look great. Really.”
To yourself: You look ridiculous. Don’t sit near me.

To someone else: “I’d love to join your team if I can clear my calendar.”
To yourself: I’d rather stick knitting needles in my ears than work with you.

To someone else: “I don’t blame you.”
To yourself: Well I certainly don’t blame myself!

To someone else: “I love that movie.”
To yourself: I could give a rat’s ass about that movie. I just want to get in your pants.

So really, when others give you those half smiles and half truths, are they really doing anything other than what you do to them?

The point is, you can’t go backwards. You can’t get in someone’s head to see if you misunderstood what they really meant or if they’re lying to you. All you can do is move forward.

And pretend that you don’t know and don’t care what other people have said about you.

While you’re at it, put away the rear view mirror, look through the windshield, and get used to people kicking the back of your seat.

Because at the end of the day, you can fight for truth, or you can fight for what you want… but you can only ever have the latter.

For more on how to handle interpersonal and political ambiguity in your professional life, read Part 2 of Super Staying Power.

Jason Seiden is Co-founder and CEO of Ajax Social Media, a training company that shows professionals how use social media to work more effectively.